Mysterious Rurouni
by Mieren
Summary: Kenshin and Saito get dragged into the Universe of the Four Gods. Psychotic crossover with Fushigi Yuugi (or Mysterious Play, if you prefer).
1. Chapter 1

Mysterious Rurouni

By Mieren

Kenshin hummed softly, scrubbing a tub full of laundry as was typical for the ever-cheerful redhead.  It was early morning, the sun barely in the sky.  Naturally, this meant that Sano was due back any minute before passing out drunk on the dojo floor after a night out drinking.  Sure enough, he was just finishing with the garment he was washing when the wasted brunette staggered past him, almost making it inside before gracelessly losing consciousness on he ground.

Smiling ruefully, Kenshin flicked the worst of the sudsy water off of his hands and walked over to his friend.  He carefully pulled one of Sano's arms over his shoulder and struggled to stand up.  The younger man weighed substantially more than he did and it was no easy task to move him when he passed out, as he did almost every morning.  Grunting and puffing, he managed to get to his feet, glaring playfully at Sano's knees, which were dragging on the earth as a sad reminder of how painfully short he was.  Slowly but surely, he started for Sano's room.

He hadn't gone three steps when a shadow loomed over him.  Blinking wide violet eyes, he squinted against the early morning sun to make out the figure towering over him.  Recognizing the eternally escaping bangs and the fierce amber eyes, he smiled pleasantly.

"Good morning, Saito.  What brings you here so early?"

Saito grunted.  "That rooster-head has a stolen object in his possession.  I am here to reclaim it."

"S'not stolen," Sano slurred drunkenly.  "Won it."

"I'll remind you that gambling is also illegal," Saito responded stiffly.

"Sano," Kenshin reprimanded softly.  "Just give it to him."

"No.  S'mine."

Sighing at the wasted state his friend was in and at the irritated look building on Saito's face, Kenshin began digging around in Sano's jacket with one hand till his hand encountered something large and square.  Furrowing his brow, he pulled out an ancient leather-bound book and stared at the Chinese characters on the cover.

"Oy, Kenshin.  S'mine.  Give it back."

"Sano," Kenshin responded placatingly.  "You can't even read Chinese."

"But it's worth money," Sano groaned, raising bleary eyes towards the redhead and reaching weakly for the book.

"Of course it's worth money, ahou," Saito snapped.  "It's the property of a museum, which was robbed a week ago.  The owner gave us a list of what was stolen and this book was on it.  He wants it returned immediately."

"Here," Kenshin offered, holding out the book to Saito and ignoring Sano's vocal protests.

Saito reached for the book and clamped his hand around the proffered end.  The moment his fingers came into contact with the leather, a flash of light burst forth from the book.  Red light engulfed Kenshin as blue surrounded Saito, the merging colors bathing the area in a brilliant violet glow and temporarily blinding anyone who looked directly at the pulsing radiance.

Sano fell to the ground with a loud grunt of pain.  By the time he managed to get his alcohol-dimmed eyes to focus, both Kenshin and Saito were gone.  The only thing remaining was the leather-bound book, the Chinese characters glittering innocently in the early morning light.

Slowly, uncertainly, he approached the book and prodded it blearily.  Still unsure, he flipped the cover open and jerked his hand back to safety.  He knew he was drunk, but at the same time, he knew that this book was somehow responsible for the disappearance of the two strongest men he had ever met.  Squinting furiously, he forced his alcohol-clouded eyes to focus on the kanji that was slowly appearing down the first page.  Baffled by the unfamiliar symbols, he gingerly gathered the book into his hands and started searching for Kaoru.  Something told him that the unfolding text was important.

To Be Continued…

Little teaser here to see what you people think.  R&R appreciated/loved/needed.  The next section will be out soon.  ^_^


	2. Chapter 2

Kenshin groaned miserably and opened his eyes, only to immediately close them again when met with blinding light.  Feeling decidedly sick, and strangely hungover, he cracked one eye and glared ineffectually at the morning sun peeking over the snow-capped mountaintops in the distance.  That caused him to jerk upright and stare openly.  Mountains?  Why was there a mountain range on the horizon?  And for that matter, why was he alone in the middle of nowhere?

Lost and confused, Kenshin just shook his head and said the first thing that came to him naturally.

"Oro?"

Getting no response to his inane question, he levered himself to his feet with the aid of his reverse blade sword and proceeded to wobble, still disoriented.  Not recognizing the area, he carefully replaced his sword at his side and began walking in a random direction.  As soon as he found a road, he could surely find a town or a person and ask directions.  Sooner or later, he would figure out where he was and how to get back to Tokyo.  Kaoru would be upset if he didn't finish the laundry.

He had only been walking for a few minutes when he saw a thin wisp of smoke just a little ways away from him and a little to the left of his present course.  Deciding that a fire would mean that someone was there to tend it, he veered towards the source of the smoke.  Even if the people there didn't know where they were, he wouldn't mind sharing the fire for a few minutes.  The early morning chill was slightly uncomfortable.

Watching the trees and grasses as he walked, Kenshin realized that he must be a long ways from home.  Not recognizing most of the plant life, he was certain that he wasn't even in Japan.  He wondered once again how he had gotten out to where he was and swore silently that someone had better give him an explanation when he got back.

Circling a cluster of trees, he found the source of the smoke.  A small group of men sat beside a well-used road, a small fire crackling merrily a few feet from them.  Putting on his best airhead smile, Kenshin started forward.  Hearing him approach, the six men rounded on him.

"Excuse me, I didn't mean to startle you, de gozaru," Kenshin said, rubbing at the back of his head as he remembered the lump that was there from the last time he had snuck up on Kaoru.  She had not been pleased.  "I'm afraid that I'm lost.  Do you know how to get to Tokyo, de gozaru ka?"

"Never heard of the place," one of the men growled.

"Oh.  Then could you please tell me which way it is to the nearest town, de gozaru ka?" Kenshin tried again, choosing to overlook the scowls directed at him.

"There are no towns for at least a full day's hard traveling," a second man said, studying Kenshin with an interested look that made the redhead decidedly uneasy.

"You could stay with us though," a third man offered, openly leering.

"I travel faster alone.  But thank you, de gozaru," Kenshin responded, taking a step back.  His instincts as a warrior told him that it was time to leave.

"But this isn't a safe area for a pretty lady to be wandering around alone in," the second man added, still staring.

"ORO?"

"They're right, this isn't a safe area," a new voice added from behind Kenshin.  He almost spun instinctively to fight, one hand moving towards his sword, when the speaker leapt neatly over him to land fist first on the second man's face.

The new arrival flipped over the man he had just hit, not even bothering to watch him crumple, and proceeded to beat the living snot out of the other five men.  Kenshin watched the blue-haired teenager move assuredly through the full-grown men, carefully noting his fighting style.  He was impressed by the skill that the youth possessed.  In a matter of seconds, the fight was over and all six men were unconscious.  The teenager grinned at their still forms before walking back over to Kenshin.

"Um, arigato, de gozaru," Kenshin stammered.  "But that wasn't necessary.  I could have easily outrun them, de gozaru."

"I see," the blue-haired teen said.  "The sword is just for show.  Let me guess, you're traveling with a lot of money, aren't you?"

"Oro?"

"Not to worry," he continued hastily.  "I'm not here to rob you.  But I wouldn't object to payment for my services."  He grinned, holding out one hand.

Kenshin grinned ruefully.  He was certainly in a strange place.  He began rooting through his clothes, looking for some sort of money.  Perhaps if he paid the boy, he could get directions out of him.  He needed to get home.  After a few moments of rummaging, he came up empty handed.

"I don't seem to have any money on me, de gozaru," he apologized.  The teenager glared at him angrily.

"Do I look like a charity?  I don't work for free!  Why are you wandering around in the middle of Konan without any money?"

"I'm lost, de gozaru," he admitted sheepishly.  "Could you tell me where I am?"

"Nothing doing," the teenager grumped.  "No money, no services.  Look, if you can't pay me, I'm leaving you here, lady."

"ORO!  I'm not a woman, de gozaru!"

"Then why are you dressed in pink?"

"I like pink," Kenshin muttered.

"You would," the teen snapped.  Grumbling, he turned to leave.

Kenshin glared after him, pouting.  He would have just let him leave, but he was honestly lost and didn't like the idea of wandering around aimlessly in some country he wasn't familiar with.  Besides, the teenager did try to help him, even if he was a money-grubbing brat.  Silently, he fell in behind the blue-haired youth.

"Why are you following me?" he snapped over his shoulder.

"I'm lost, de gozaru," Kenshin said as if it explained everything.  He got a glare in return, but decided to ignore it.  After a few minutes, the blue-haired boy rounded on him furiously and took a quick swing at him, which Kenshin easily avoided.  He had already seen the fighting style and he was much faster.

"Quit following me," the teen snapped, still brandishing his fist.

"Not until you tell me where I am, de gozaru."

Again, a fist was raised towards Kenshin.  However, the blue-haired boy seemed to think better of it after a moment and folded his arms crossly instead, recognizing a warrior when he saw one.  A warrior pushing the limits of crossdressing, but a warrior nonetheless.  The teenager stared at him for a few moments before shaking his head and turning around to continue down the road.  Kenshin resumed following him, this time a little further behind, wary of being swung at a second time.

"What's your name?" the teenager asked suddenly.

"Oro?"

He sighed.  "If you're going to be following me, I want to know what to call you, unless you really want me to call you 'oro' from now on."

"Kenshin Himura."

"Tamahome," the youth said immediately.  He glanced back at Kenshin curiously.  "Where are you from?  I don't recognize your accent."

"I'm from Tokyo, de gozaru."

"Never heard of it."

Kenshin shrugged, not surprised.  He had heard Tamahome mention Konan earlier but hadn't recognized it.  There was no doubt about it.  He was extremely lost.

"What country is this?" he asked suddenly.

"China.  You are lost, aren't you?"

Kenshin's eyes bulged.  How did he get to China?  He must have paused on the road, staring into space like a dunderhead, because Tamahome stopped just ahead of him and turned around.

"Look, kid," he began, stopping at the furious outburst it earned him.

"ORO!"

Tamahome sighed.  "Fine, fine.  How old are you?"

"Thirty, de gozaru!" Kenshin said indignantly.

Tamahome's eyes bulged.  He had expected an answer lower than that.  MUCH lower than that.  In fact, he had thought that the redhead was fourteen or fifteen.  Hearing an age twice what he expected left him in a mild state of shock.  When he finally came out of it and began thinking of everything that had been assumed about the diminutive man, he couldn't help himself.  He snickered.

On the other hand, Kenshin was far from happy.  First, he had been mistaken for a woman and now for a child!  It was absolutely humiliating.  And now, the teenager was laughing at him.  He huffed indignantly and proceeded to sulk.

"Calm down," Tamahome chuckled.  "Look, I'm heading to the capital to look for some work.  Someone there will probably know how you can get home."

Kenshin nodded and allowed himself to be led down the road once more, still pouting.  His mood was not improved upon whenever Tamahome stole a quick glance at him and resumed snickering.  It was settled.  When he got home, someone was going to pay dearly.

*     *     *

Kaoru nearly tripped over Sano where he had passed out in the doorway to the dojo and now lay snoring in a puddle of drool.  Seeing as to how he was blocking the door, she calmly stepped on him to get by, deaf to the grunt of protest beneath her feet.  Still standing on him, she noticed a book just beyond his limp fingers and knelt down to get it, her knees resting on Sano's head.

Curious as to why the rooster-head had a book, she plopped down on his lower back and proceed to flip open the book.  Kanji appeared before her eyes on the ancient pages and she nearly dropped the book in shock.  Regaining her wits, she snapped the book shut and dashed off, leaving footprints down Sano's spine as she disappeared.

She could barely read a few words in Chinese.  However, what she had seen was enough to have her worried.  In front of her eyes, Kenshin's name had appeared.  Using words that would have made Sano turn crimson, she sprinted for the one person she knew of that spoke Chinese.

"Megumi!"

*     *     *

Saito bit back a groan as he opened his eyes.  He felt like he had been hit by a train.  The first thing that came to his attention was a small group of men attempting to take his sword while he was unconscious.  Growling, he locked his fingers around the hilt and rolled to his feet, ignoring the hazy, rolling feeling running around in his skull.

"Don't worry," a dark-haired man said, unfazed by Saito's death glare.  "Just give us the sword and your money and we won't hurt you."

Despite being groggy and lost, he realized when he glanced around, he was more than a match for the three men facing him.  They all had swords drawn and facing him, but he was unconcerned.

"I have a better proposition," Saito said in what was decidedly not a friendly voice.  "You tell me where I am and I might let you live."

At the laughter he received for what he believed to be a generous offer, he drew his sword and shifted his stance slightly.  The harsh chuckles grew louder.

"You're outnumbered three to one and you want to fight?" the dark-haired man guffawed.  He shook his head.  "All right.  We did offer to spare you."  Saito smirked.

At the first sign of movement, he slipped forward and cut the spokesman in half.  Before the other two could do more than open their mouths to shout, he beheaded the second and skewered the third, pinning him to a nearby wall.

"I repeat," Saito said slowly, as though he was speaking to a moron, which in his opinion, he was.  "Where am I?"

"Kutou!" the surviving man babbled immediately.  He whimpered and gingerly closed his hand on the blade of the sword still holding him upright by his shoulder.  "You're in the slums at the southern end of the capital!"

"Thank you," Saito said, pulling his sword free.  Released, the man slumped to the ground.  Saito raised his sword again.

"Wait a minute," the man cried.  "I thought you said you would let me live!"

"I said that I might," Saito responded in a monotone.  "You are, however, unaware of my philosophy.  Aku soku zan."

The man opened his mouth to protest, or perhaps to plead for his life.  He never got the chance.  A moment later, his head was pinned to the wall by the same blade that had held his shoulder only a few seconds ago.  Saito pulled his sword free and cleaned it with one smooth motion before sheathing it.

If he was truly in the capital, he could find someone more worthwhile to talk to.  Eventually, he would find someone who would tell him whatever he needed to know.  Straightening his uniform, he began traveling north through the city.  In the distance, he could see the towers of a large castle.  It would be good place to ask for directions.

To Be Continued…

Sorry!  Couldn't help picking on poor, tiny Kenshin.  *mad cackle*  And you know that Saito had to throw a fit and attack someone.  It just wouldn't be him otherwise.  R&R needed to feed the starving, twitching ego before it starts eating passing pedestrians.


	3. Chapter 3

Kenshin sighed in relief when Tamahome finally stopped for the night.  The path he had chosen was significantly longer than he had expected.  They had just entered the edge of the capital and the blue-haired youth was looking around with a small frown on his face.  He glanced at Kenshin speculatively and promptly disappeared into the crowd.

"O-oro?" Kenshin sputtered.

He blinked in the direction his guide had disappeared.  Even knowing that he was just tagging along, much to the youth's obvious disapproval, he hadn't expected to be abandoned.  Shaking his head in exasperation, he began wandering aimlessly through the city, occasionally asking a passerby if they could give him directions.  While everyone was nice enough, no one seemed to know where he wanted to go.  Stubborn to a fault, he tapped a purple-haired teenager on the shoulder and tried again.

"Excuse me, sir…" he started.

The teenager rounded on him, outrage shining bright in rose-colored eyes.  Kenshin's eyes widened as he took in the expensive looking dress and delicate make up.

"Do I look like a man to you?" the teen snapped in a high voice.

Plastering his patented innocent, idiotic smile firmly on his face, Kenshin scrubbed one hand through his thick red hair.

"I'm sorry, de gozaru," he apologized.  "I was just wondering if you could give me directions."  He would apologize if he had to for offending the teenager, but he would not consent to call the youth a woman.  He could spot a crossdresser when he saw one.  No matter how good the boy was, he was obviously male.

The purple-haired teen huffed, still offended.  After a moment, though, he seemed to calm a little bit.  Shaking his head, he turned to Kenshin.

"Sorry for losing my temper," he offered.  "So tell me, where are you trying to go, little girl?"  Kenshin's head flopped down to his chest in defeat.

"I'm a man, de gozaru," he muttered dejectedly at the floor.  Without looking, he could feel the boy's eyes on him.

"Well, you could have fooled me, dressing like that."

"You of all people should be able to tell, de gozaru," Kenshin grumbled, forgetting to consider that the boy might have superb hearing, which he did.

"What was that?!?"

Realizing that he had inadvertently made a scene on the streets, Kenshin held up one pacifying hand again, adopting a vapid look.

"I just meant that even if I'm not wearing the traditional garb of the area, you should know that no crossdresser wears a shirt that opens in the front…"

SLAP!

"Oro-ro-rooo!"

Spirally-eyed and delirious, Kenshin lay slumped where he had landed, against a tree, upside down in the middle of the street.  He had never imagined that the boy's slap could have thrown him that far.  It felt like something he would have expected from Sano, had Sano been out to break him in four separate pieces.  After awhile, he gave up trying to count all of the pretty birdies and allowed unconsciousness to take him.

The purple-haired boy stood over him, frowning darkly and muttering to himself.  Though he had intended to knock the daylights out of the diminutive redheaded jerk, he hadn't actually meant to hurt him.  From the neon red handprint on his cheek to the ever-growing lump on the back of his head, it was obvious that the runt needed a doctor.

"Why me?" he grumbled darkly, lifting the tiny form by the back of his shirt and partially dragging him as he headed back towards the castle.  He would make sure that the little guy wasn't injured seriously then toss him in the alley to rot.  On his trek back, he made no effort to prevent bouncing Kenshin's skull against various objects as they passed, like rocks, trees and other pedestrians.  "Stupid conscience," he complained.

*     *     *

Nuriko stormed onto the castle grounds, not paying much attention to small details, such as to who he was bumping into, stepping on or glowering at.  He was suddenly reminded of his manners when he saw a beautiful androgynous face come into view, cascades of dark green hair shimmering around billowing silken robes.  Reflexively, he curtsied, accidentally dropping Kenshin as he did so.

"Hotohori-sama," he murmured.  "What are you doing here?"  Nuriko dared to peek at the emperor, wondering why he was near the harem.  He rarely came out to this area on the castle grounds.  Hotohori smiled.

"I'm just out for a walk," he said cheerily, curiously prodding Kenshin in the ribs with one sandaled foot.  "Who is this?"

"Some poor soul I found unconscious on the street," Nuriko said, neglecting to mention that he was responsible for the redhead being in that condition.

"I see," Hotohori said, smiling sweetly.  Nuriko almost melted on the spot.  "It was very kind of you to help a complete stranger like this."

"It was indeed, de gozaru," Kenshin muttered woozily.  Nuriko nearly jumped out of his skin.  After slapping the tiny man, he wouldn't have expected the redhead to have regained consciousness for several hours.

"You're awake?" Hotohori asked in shock.

Aware that he was being observed by the men standing over him, Kenshin pushed himself carefully to his feet, dusting and straightening his clothes.  He peered carefully at the newcomer, shocked by the sheen of his lush green hair, but quickly taking in the expensive clothes and elegant posture.

"Hai, de gozaru," Kenshin said, smiling warmly.  From the clothes of the green-haired man standing in front of him, he knew that he was someone important, so he tried to remain pleasant.  "I am very grateful to…" he trailed off, almost saying 'him' before realizing that no one else could spot the cross-dresser for what he was.  He smiled sheepishly instead.  "I'm sorry, de gozaru.  I didn't catch your name."

"Nuriko."

"It was very kind of Nuriko to help me, de gozaru," Kenshin continued, turning back to the other man.  "I'm lost and unfamiliar with this country.  I'm afraid I must have said something impolite, de gozaru."

"Lost?" the green-haired man mumbled, looking thoughtful.  He smiled again quickly, gaze flickering over Kenshin.  "What is your name, little boy?"

Kenshin smiled vapidly, beginning to become amused with the perpetual mistakes about his identity.  He decided to have fun with it.

"Kenshin Himura, de gozaru," he said sweetly, leaning slightly forward.  When the green-haired man didn't immediately respond to the gesture, he leaned closer, looking like he wanted to tell the man a secret of the utmost importance.  As if on cue, the taller man lowered his head to listen.

"Yes?" he asked.

"I'm thirty, de gozaru."

The taller man jerked back as though burnt, looking very ruffled by his mistake.  Kenshin knew that if he hadn't had to straighten his clothes upon waking up, he would have been mistaken for a woman again.  A quick glance to the side showed him that Nuriko looked just as shocked.

"I was wondering… um…" Kenshin began, looking baffled.  He had no idea how to go about asking someone in a high position their name without sounding rude

"Emperor Hotohori," the man supplied.  Kenshin stiffened slightly before remembering that he had faced numerous officials in his days as a manslayer.

"I was wondering, Hotohori-sama, if I might find directions to Tokyo here?  I am very lost, de gozaru."

"Japan?" Hotohori asked quietly.  "How did you get to China?"

Kenshin beamed.  Someone knew where he was from.  He could finally get home.

"I woke up in a field, de gozaru."

"Is that all you remember?" Hotohori persisted.

Kenshin frowned.  "No, de gozaru.  I was at Kaoru-dono's dojo when I was surrounded by red light and Saito by blue.  Net thing I know, I wake up here, de gozaru.  I don't know what happened to Saito, de gozaru."

Emotions raged across Hotohori's face as he listened.  At the mention of red light, he looked absolutely delighted.  At the mention of blue, he looked mortified.  Finally, he dropped both expressions and settled on looking confused.

"And both you and Saito are men?" Hotohori asked softly, not expecting an answer.

"Hai, de gozaru."

Nuriko finally spoke up.  "You keep saying 'de gozaru.'  Why?"

Kenshin shrugged.  "It is common for samurai, de gozaru."

At the mention of samurai, Hotohori snapped out of his contemplation.  He began studying Kenshin in earnest.  Finally, he nodded.

"You have been chosen," he said suddenly, beaming again.  "I expected a priestess to be sent to us, but if Suzaku selected a priest, so be it."

Kenshin listened to him, horribly confused.  At the mention of the phoenix god, he said the most intelligent thing he could muster.

"Oro?"

Hotohori smiled at him reassuringly and clapped on hand on his shoulder, leading him inside.

"Come.  I will explain everything.  For tonight, I insist you and I eat dinner in a proper fashion.  I will have a feast prepared to welcome you.  Tomorrow, we will begin searching for the other seishi."

Kenshin stared wide-eyed at him as he rambled on happily, speaking of ceremonies, gods and various other things that Kenshin didn't understand.  Confused, he looked back towards Nuriko, who was scowling at them furiously.  He thought quickly.

"Hotohori-sama," he interrupted.  "Might we bring Nuriko as well in gratitude for the generous assistance offered, de gozaru ka?"

Hotohori blinked, caught off guard by the question.  He glanced back and nodded towards the purple-haired youth.

"Would you care to join us?" he asked.  Shocked, Nuriko stared at them for a moment in silence.  "Kenshin has requested that you come to the feast."

Nuriko caught up quickly, looking at the tiny redhead in confusion.  After having hit him, he expected the diminutive man to be furious with him.  Instead, Kenshin looked up at him hopefully, nodding his head slightly towards the emperor.  Nuriko smiled reassuringly, understanding immediately.  Kenshin was lost, confused by how he had become lost, and absolutely baffled by what Hotohori was saying.  And if he was truly a samurai, he wouldn't mind the company of another warrior.

The two shared a smile before following Hotohori into the castle.  He was still spouting nonsense about prophecies, gods and past priestesses.  Nuriko rolled his eyes and made a gagging gesture while Hotohori wasn't watching.  Kenshin grinned at him and nodded his agreement.

*     *     *

Saito stalked the streets of Kutou, glaring daggers at anyone who even eyed him strangely.  Up until reaching the palace gates, no one dared to bother him.  Apparently, stories about his first slaughter in the city had spread like wildfire.  He was actually pleased that no one would be irritating him needlessly.

At the gates of the massive castle, several guards met him, blocking his way.  Unruffled, he casually eyed their weapons, rolling his eyes at what he saw.  They'd be lucky to kill an unarmed child with such meager weapons.  Their fighting stances spoke of incompetence as well.  He smirked.

"I wish to speak to a scholar," he said.  With the morons he had already faced within the city, he saw that as his only chance to find directions.  When the guards only squirmed under his glare, he shifted his stance slightly to one more favorable to fighting.  "Well?"

"We do not honor requests of invaders," a cool monotone informed him from behind.  Saito casually glanced behind him.

"Who are you?"

"Considering the circumstances, I believe I should be the one asking you that question."

Saito turned fully to face a tall blond man mounted on a massive white stallion.  He found himself staring into ice blue eyes as piercing as his own amber, silently observing.  For several moments, the two glared at each other, gauging positions and postures before Saito relaxed slightly.  He had fought enough people in his life to recognize an honest threat.  He had no intention of picking a dangerous fight needlessly.

The blonde's eyebrows rose slightly.  He was amazed that he the swordsman had backed down so readily.  He quickly shifted his opinion of the amber-eyed man.  Before, he had assumed him to be some arrogant idiot.  Now, he recognized the calculating coldness on the hawk-like features.

"Where are you from?"

"Tokyo," Saito snapped.  He may have backed down from an unnecessary fight, but that didn't mean that he intended to be civil.

The blond frowned.  "Why are you in China?"

Saito paused, considering.  The blond had recognized the city name, something that no one else had managed thus far.  He decided to see what information he could pry out of the tall blond.

"Some ahou had something stolen in his possession.  It emitted a blue light.  I woke up in some alley."

"Blue light?" the blond asked, looking surprised.

"It may have shone red as well, but I was only touched by the blue," Saito said stiffly, glowering slightly.  He realized he sounded like a drunkard, but wouldn't further his embarrassment by backing out of his story.

"I see," the blond muttered.  "Very well.  Come inside.  We will speak further of this and I will see if I can provide you with directions."

Saito frowned.  "Why are you so helpful all of a sudden?" he asked suspiciously.  The blond only smiled.

"If you are who I believe you to be, you could be of great use."  Seeing Saito's forthcoming argument, he raised one hand to forestall his protests.  "Don't worry.  It won't take much of your time.  Afterwards, I will do everything in my power to get you back to Tokyo.  Agreed?"

Saito nodded stiffly.  "Agreed."

The blond smiled again.  The expression was devoid of all warmth.  Saito offered an identical smirk.

"Now then," the blond said.  "Since we are allied, I believe that introductions are in order.  You may call my Nakago."

"Hajime Saito."

Nakago nodded and started through the gates.  The guards scrambled out of the way.  Nakago acted as though he didn't even notice them.  Saito followed him warily, taking the time to glare at the guards, who looked extremely nervous of his presence.  Smirking, he followed the blond, satisfied with his work.  His day wasn't complete until he had traumatized a total stranger.

"By the way," Nakago said suddenly, startling him out of his personal amusement.  The blond snorted when he realized what Saito had been doing.  That was one of his favorite pastimes as well.

"Yes?" Saito asked testily.

"Who was touched by the red light?"

Caught off guard by the question, it took Saito a moment to gather his wits enough to answer.  He had been expecting some comment relating to his torment of the guards.

"A former manslayer by the name of Kenshin Himura," he said.  At the curious look he received, he continued as they disappeared into the castle.

To Be Continued…

There you have it.  Two priests.  Er… maybe.  This is going to get really strange eventually.  With this kind of crossover, it kinda has to.  R&R so I can feed my ego.  It fits in the room again and I can't have that.


	4. Chapter 4

All through dinner, Kenshin and Nuriko took turns making faces and odd gestures when they knew Hotohori wasn't watching.  The kitchen staff and servants eyed them strangely but didn't say anything.  Hotohori didn't notice a thing, which only made it more difficult to keep from laughing.

Unfortunately for Kenshin, Hotohori had wanted a detailed account of his time in Konan since his unexpected arrival.  This entailed keeping a straight face and steady voice as he told of the bandits and the money-grubbing brat.  Keeping a serious countenance wouldn't have been so difficult, excepting one small factor.  Nuriko.

The purple-haired youth was sitting directly across from Kenshin.  This placed him outside of Hotohori's field of vision while he was talking to Kenshin.  He took full advantage of his situation.  After spending half of dinner making random faces and various perverted gestures, he had settled into mimicking Hotohori precisely.  Kind of.  He was ludicrously exaggerating the emperor's every facial expression, turning the mildest looks into some of the most severe and obscure he could manage.  Kenshin kicked him.  That caused Nuriko to double his efforts.  Kenshin silently vowed to hurt him later.

Kenshin was growing desperate.  He was about to burst out laughing in the emperor's face.  Every nervous tick in his cheek spurred Nuriko to further lengths.  No matter how he tried to ignore the younger man, he found he couldn't.  The purple-haired youth was forever in his peripheral vision.  He tried to concentrate on something else.

"Hotohori-sama," he interrupted.  The emperor pulled up short on his lengthy explanation of the ceremony to summon Suzaku.  "You said earlier that there were seven seishi, de gozaru.  How will we be able to find them, de gozaru ka?"

Hotohori beamed, thrilled that Kenshin seemed interested in what he was saying.  Nuriko promptly mimicked him, throwing Kenshin a look that bordered between undying love and raging lust.  Kenshin was seriously considering throwing something and might have had Hotohori not distracted him by answering his question.

"All of the seishi will be marked with one of the symbols of Suzaku," he said.  One hand went to the collar of his silk shirt and he tugged down the neckline.  "Like this."

Kenshin's eyebrows rose when he saw the scarlet kanji on the side of his neck.  Could the man seriously be suggesting that they roam the country stripping people?  He heard Nuriko gasp, drawing attention to himself.  The purple-haired man pulled down the edge of his shirt to expose his collarbone, displaying a crimson kanji of his own.  Kenshin blinked in shock.  Hotohori positively gaped.

"You see?" Hotohori said happily.  "It will be a simple matter to gather them."

"Yes, you're absolutely crawling with seishi," Nuriko said dryly.

"You don't suppose…" Hotohori trailed off.

"The money-grubbing brat?" Kenshin asked, picking up on the thought.  "I hope not, de gozaru.  What kind of warrior abandons someone in need of help?  Besides, we'd never find him, de gozaru."

Nuriko and Hotohori exchanged amused looks.  Kenshin obviously didn't like the boy he had followed into town and was attempting to convince them that he was useless for the sole purpose of avoiding him.

"Well, I guess it would be difficult to find him," Hotohori conceded.  "He could be anywhere by now."

Needing to tease Kenshin further, Nuriko spoke up.  Kenshin glared at him.

"I bet I could find him, Hotohori-sama."

Hotohori smiled.  Kenshin did not look happy.

*     *     *

Nuriko stood on top of a tall building in the center of town, a small bag of gold in one hand.  He had chosen a loose mesh to hold the coins so that they could be clearly seen.  To the bag, he had tied a long, thin rope, woven carefully to be able to hold over a ton of weight.

Nuriko shifted his hold on the rope back a bit and began spinning the small bag in a tight circle over his head.  He slowly let out the cord until he had a large circle spinning above him.  Kenshin watched, amused, as the bag of gold was spun faster and faster until the purple-haired seishi released his hold on the rope.

Released from its orbit, the small bag of gold coins flew to the far end of the city.  Nuriko instantly grabbed the end of the rope at his feet and began pulling it in rapidly.  After only a few seconds, he had pulled in the entire length of rope, the bag of gold still firmly tied to the end.

Untangling the rope, Nuriko threw the bag a second time in a different direction.  He pulled in the rope rapidly again.  Still nothing.

On the fifth throw, halfway through pulling in the bag of gold, something snagged the line.  Grinning too widely, Nuriko doubled his efforts and hauled the line in.  Slowly but surely, the rope began to pile up near the crossdresser's feet.  Deciding he was tired of fighting the rope, Nuriko raised his arms above his head and snapped them down viciously, sending a whip-like wave down the rope.  The line went slack.

Dropping the line, the purple-haired man jumped off of the roof and ran into the city, following the rope.  Bemused, Kenshin followed him.

A few blocks into the city, a small crowd had gathered around something in the middle of the street.  Nuriko casually pushed everyone out of the way, his strength reminding Kenshin once again of Sano.

In the middle of the crowd, curled protectively around the bag of gold on the end of the rope, was Tamahome.  Unconscious.  A large red welt ran vertically the length of his face from the force of the whipped rope, running directly across the kanji on his forehead.  Nuriko smirked.  Kenshin snickered.

"What did I tell you?" Nuriko asked, still grinning.  "Trolling for brats."

Still smiling widely at his successful fishing outing, Nuriko snagged Tamahome by the back of his shirt and tossed him over his shoulder.  Kenshin was amused to see that the blue-haired teen was still jealously clutching the small bag of gold coins.  Nuriko tugged at the sack curiously before deciding to let him keep it.  He'd have an easier time getting a steak from a pack of starving wolves.

Kenshin trailed slightly behind the two on the way back to the castle, casually coiling the rope as he walked.  Tamahome's capture gave them three seishi, but they had yet to find the other four.  Something told Kenshin that the others wouldn't be as easy to locate.

*     *     *

Despite the fact that Tamahome was in their possession and was undeniably the third seishi, they discovered another problem.  He didn't want to be a seishi.  Nuriko had had to sit on him to keep him from running off.  After helping tie him up, Kenshin had asked to speak with him alone.

Sitting down near where Tamahome was squirming on the floor, Kenshin waited for the younger man to acknowledge him.  After a few minutes, Tamahome stopped struggling and glared at him.

"I've agreed to help gather the seishi and summon Suzaku, de gozaru," Kenshin said.  Tamahome glowered at him.

"You've agreed to become a priestess?" he asked sarcastically.

"Priest," Kenshin corrected, shrugging slightly.

"Why?" Tamahome asked suspiciously.

"Hotohori-sama convinced me that it would keep Konan from having to go to war, de gozaru.  I have already lived through one war and I have no intention of letting another begin if I can prevent it peacefully, de gozaru."

Finally, Tamahome's countenance softened.  "How old were you?" he asked softly.

"I was thirteen when it started, de gozaru.  By the time I was fourteen, I was fighting as an assassin.  After the war, I became a wanderer, helping people I encountered.  I agreed to help Hotohori-sama for the sake of Konan, de gozaru."

Tamahome sighed.  "Very well, you win.  I'll help provided that you let me check on something before we leave to search for the others."

"Fair enough," Kenshin conceded, untying the teen.  "It's understandable that you would want to check on your family before a long journey."

"How did you…"

"Know?" Kenshin finished for him.  Tamahome nodded.  "I didn't, de gozaru.  But I suspected it was something important for you to be so insistent."

"I see.  I'll be back in two days."

Kenshin nodded.  "We'll be ready to leave when you get back, de gozaru.  For now, I'll have someone bring you a horse."

Tamahome nodded and started towards the front courtyard.  Kenshin disappeared into the castle grounds, telling a passing servant to get a horse for the newest seishi.  The thin man bowed and left to do as asked.  Kenshin wandered into a small room where Hotohori was pouring over various books and scrolls.  He grinned widely when the redhead entered.

"Well?"

"He agreed, de gozaru.  He'll help us look for the other seishi."  He chose to ignore Hotohori's ecstatic grin.  "Could I request some gold?"  That caught Hotohori complete off guard.

"Of course," he said, stunned.  Pulling open a desk drawer, he tossed a large bag of gold coins to Kenshin, who caught it easily.

"Thank you, de gozaru."

"What is it for?" Hotohori asked when Kenshin turned to leave immediately.

"To help a friend, de gozaru," Kenshin answered, disappearing before the emperor could ask more questions.

Kenshin's god-like speed allowed him to get across the castle grounds in a matter of minutes.  He reached the front gates just as Tamahome was mounting his horse.  Kenshin lobbed the small sack of gold at him.  More from reflex than anything, Tamahome caught it.

"What's this?"

"A present for your family, de gozaru."

Tamahome opened the small bag and nearly fell off of his horse.  His eyes bulged.

"Where did you get this?"

"I asked Hotohori-sama for it, de gozaru."

"Thank you," Tamahome said softly, clutching the small bag tightly in his fist.  "I'll be back in two days to help you search."

Kenshin nodded, sensing the deep gratitude in the teen's softly quavering voice.  Waving, he turned back towards where he had seen Nuriko a moment ago while running.  The teen had looked absolutely stunned at the speed Kenshin was moving.  A palace servant intercepted him before he could find the younger man.

"Hotohori-sama has requested your presence," the man said, bowing deeply.  Kenshin raised his eyebrows and the man elaborated.  "He wishes to hold a conference with the priest of the Suzaku and the other seishi."

Kenshin nodded and thanked the man, starting towards the emperor instead of the purple-haired teen.  He had only been walking for a few moments when Nuriko appeared beside him.  The younger man stared at him for a moment before speaking.

"I've never seen anyone move that fast in my entire life.  What was the rush?"

Kenshin grinned.  "I had to see Tamahome before he left, de gozaru."

"He escaped?" Nuriko cried.  Kenshin quickly shook his head.

"I untied him so he could leave, de gozaru."

Without warning, Kenshin found himself hauled into the air by the furious teen beside him.  Nuriko shook him roughly.

"Are you insane?  We need him to summon Suzaku!"

"He's coming back in two days, de gozaru," Kenshin assured him calmly.  "He just has something that he needs to take care of."

Still glaring, Nuriko dropped him.  Kenshin landed silently and straightened his clothes, not bothered by the nasty looks directed at him.  Kaoru glared more fiercely than that.

The thought of Kaoru glaring brought his mind back to Tokyo.  He had been gone several days now and he knew that his friends would be worried.  Kaoru would also be mad that he hadn't finished the laundry.  He had to get back to the dojo.  With that in mind, he started towards where he knew Hotohori would be, not noticing the strange looks Nuriko kept throwing at him in the silence.

Hotohori greeted them both when they entered the small conference room.  His eyes flickered between the two and he frowned slightly.

"Where's Tamahome?  Isn't he with either of you?"

"He'll be back in two days, de gozaru," Kenshin answered readily.  "He had something to attend to before taking a long journey."

Hotohori frowned slightly.  "And you believe he'll come back?"

"Hai, de gozaru."

"Very well.  I will trust your judgment on this," Hotohori conceded.  Without preamble, he proceeded to the point.  "I called you here to discuss how to locate the other four seishi."

"Understandable," Nuriko said.  "We can hardly wander the country stripping everyone we meet."

Hotohori glanced at him strangely, making Nuriko realize what he had just said.  He blushed.  Kenshin could only grin, remembering having had the same thoughts when he first learned of the symbols.  Fortunately for the purple-haired teen, Kenshin intervened.

"Isn't there anyone who would know, de gozaru ka?  Surely someone must have knowledge we are not privy to, de gozaru," Kenshin said quickly.

"There is one," Hotohori admitted.  Kenshin peered at him inquisitively.  "Taiitsu-kun would know."

"How would we contact her?" Nuriko asked, not noticing the blank look that had settled on Kenshin's face.

"We'll have to go to her," Hotohori responded.  "We may have been able to contact her another way, but we don't have a monk to assist us."

"How would a monk be of use?" Kenshin asked, looking utterly baffled.

"With magic," Hotohori said patiently.

"Oro?"

"How else would a monk be of use?" Nuriko asked.

Kenshin just shook his head absently, realizing once again that he had no idea what was going on.  Sighing, he accepted to the inevitable.

"Will we be waiting on Tamahome to return, de gozaru ka?"

"Of course," Hotohori said immediately.  "You assured us that he will return in two days.  I will trust your judgment and have preparations made to leave at that time."

Kenshin nodded.  "Is there anything else we need to do, de gozaru ka?"  When Hotohori shook his head, Kenshin turned to leave.

"Where are you going?" Nuriko asked.

"To look for Saito, de gozaru."

Nuriko and Hotohori exchanged guarded looks before turning back to the once again confused redhead.

"Your friend Saito will not be in Konan," Hotohori said slowly.

"Oro?"

Having grown accustomed to the odd sound Kenshin made when he was confused, which was very often, Hotohori quickly elaborated.

"He's probably in Kutou.  You said yourself that he was surrounded by blue light when you were touched by the red.  Since blue is associated with Seiryu, I can only assume that he ended up in the dragon god's country."

"What is Saito like anyways?" Nuriko asked suddenly.  Hotohori froze, understanding the significance of the question.  If Saito was willing to become a priest and fight them, a war could start.

"He's a very good swordsman, de gozaru," Kenshin said, looking between the two worried men.  "He fought in the same war I did, but on the other side."

"What?!?" Nuriko cried.  "I thought he was your friend!"

"We fought each other in the past, de gozaru.  Even though we were on opposite sides, I hold no grudges.  We were alike though in what we were fighting for what we believed with our swords and our lives."

Hotohori did not look happy.  "But what is he like?"

"Personality-wise," Nuriko added.

"Personality?" Kenshin asked.  He quickly added under his breath, "I don't think he has one."  Once again, he forgot about Nuriko's excellent hearing.

"Kenshin," he said threateningly.

Kenshin raised his hands in surrender.  The last thing he needed was a concussion from the crossdressing warrior.  He didn't believe that Hotohori could stop him either, and from the dark look on the emperor's face, Kenshin doubted he would even try.  He had obviously heard the comment as well.

"He's obsessed with justice," Kenshin offered.  "And he has a bit of a temper, but I don't think you have to worry about him fighting us."

"I see," Hotohori mumbled.  He studied Kenshin for a moment longer before waving his hand dismissively.  "I'll send out orders to the servants.  We'll be ready to go as soon as Tamahome returns.  Until then, you may wander the castle grounds freely.  Please stay out of the city, as parts of it may be dangerous."

Kenshin nodded and immediately turned to leave, Nuriko following him silently.  Hotohori glanced at Kenshin as he walked towards the door, a slight frown forming on his face.

"Wait a moment," he called.  Kenshin looked at him curiously from the doorway.  "It's been awhile since I've had a chance to spar.  I noticed that you're still carrying your sword around and was wondering if you'd be interested?"

"Well…" Kenshin trailed off, uncertain.  It had been a long time since he had sparred for exercise or training, but at the same time, he didn't want to fight with the emperor.  How did one tell the leader of a country that he probably stunk with a sword and would lose in the matter of a few seconds?

"Don't worry," Hotohori said quickly.  "I'll go easy on you."

Kenshin's head snapped up and he stared incredulously at the emperor, mouth hanging slack in shock.  The emperor thought he could win?  Kenshin had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing aloud.  Finally, he could no longer resist and he grinned.

"Okay.  Let's spar, de gozaru," he chuckled.  He couldn't resist taunting him at least once.  "And don't hold back."

Nuriko watched the exchange with a straight face.  The moment Kenshin agreed, he sprinted around the nearest corner and started laughing hysterically.  Though it was well known that Hotohori was the best swordsman in the country, Nuriko had seen Kenshin running only a few minutes earlier.  He knew who would be the victor.

"I gotta see this," he mumbled, following the two as they headed towards an open section of garden, each with a sword hanging from his waist.

Kenshin watched Hotohori carefully as he immediately took up a defensive stance and placed one hand on his sword, keeping it sheathed.  When the emperor made no move to begin the fight, Kenshin drew his sword and glanced at Nuriko, smiling wider when he saw the purple-haired teen going into convulsive fits of laughter.

Feeling like showing off, Kenshin walked calmly towards the younger man, maintaining a nice slow pace.  Hotohori finally drew his sword, holding it out defensively.  He looked very confused by the leisurely style his opponent had adopted.  Knowing that Nuriko would get a kick out of it, Kenshin, remembering his fight with Soujiro, suddenly changed his speed to something he knew the emperor couldn't match.

Hotohori gaped when Kenshin suddenly vanished from in front of him, staring at the empty garden grounds with wide eyes.  Something pressed firmly against his back.  Not wanting to believe what he already knew to be true, he glanced over his shoulder to see Kenshin prodding him with the tip of his sword, grinning widely.

"Would you like a rematch, Hotohori-sama?" he asked innocently, nearly turning purple in his efforts not to laugh himself sick.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw something on the ground in a large heap, choked noises coming from it.  Turning his head, Kenshin saw that it was Nuriko, who had laughed so hard he had lost the ability to breathe or remain upright.  Hotohori noticed this as well and frowned.

"No, thank you," Hotohori muttered, glaring at the gasping crossdresser.  Suddenly, he grinned.  "I've changed my mind, though.  Feel free to wander the city.  I almost feel sorry for anyone who picks a fight with you."

Grinning, Kenshin sheathed his sword and left the chagrinned emperor standing alone in the middle of one of his gardens.  Nuriko, probably hoping for another sword display, ran after him.  Hotohori simply shook his head and made a mental note to never get into a real fight with the diminutive redhead.

To Be Continued…

Okay, now I'm just stalling here.  I know I am.  Weirdness will come up shortly.  Just you wait until I bring in Chichiri and Tasuki.  Now that will be fun.  I'll let you wonder what I'm up to.  *smirk*  R&R!  Oh, and be warned, updates will be monstrously slow since I'm being worked to the bone and all, having just started medical school.  I know I've said it once, but R&R!!!


	5. Chapter 5

"Bum!  Midget!  Imperialist!"

"Calm down, Sano," Kaoru said placatingly.  Sano ignored her.  Megumi was too busy laughing to say anything.  "At least he's not calling you a violent dominatrix."

"You are," Yahiko muttered.

"What was that?!?" Kaoru snapped.  A moment later, Yahiko was lying prone with a large lump on his head.  Sano only glanced at him momentarily before he rounded on Kaoru again, still convinced that Kenshin was thinking worse things about him than he was about her.

"He keeps comparing me to a crossdresser!  Do I look like a girl to you?" he bellowed.

"No, Sano," Kaoru sighed.

"Maybe a rooster, though," Megumi offered.  She smiled at his sputtering and went back to translating for the two younger people who were still conscious.  Actually, she read the text and summarized the better points.  A direct translation would take too long.  "Let me see.  Kenshin just beat the emperor in a swordfight.  He and the crossdresser are now going into town."  She flipped the page and frowned slightly.  "It jumped forward a bit.  A few days have passed and Tamahome's not back yet.  They're going to go look for him."

"Why isn't he back?" Kaoru asked, clearly irritated.  "Doesn't he know that the longer he stalls them, the longer it will take Kenshin to get back?"

Megumi shrugged slightly.  "We'll find out," she said calmly, going back to reading the unfolding text.

*     *     *

"I can't believe that he just ran off when he knew we needed him," Nuriko groused for the hundredth time.  "You should never have let him go!"

"I'm sure he's not back for a good reason, de gozaru," Kenshin insisted once again.  And, as always to his reassurance, Nuriko scowled.  Hotohori simply ignored both of them.

"Are you sure he went this way?" Hotohori asked.  Kenshin sighed.  He had been asked that almost as many times as Nuriko had accused him of being a dunderhead.

"Hai," he said patiently.  "I know how to track someone, de gozaru."

Nuriko glared at him, frankly disbelieving.  Hotohori nodded, as though he had already seen the answer coming.  Which he should have, Kenshin reflected, since he had asked the same question every few minutes.

Kenshin suddenly stiffened, the fine hairs on the back of his neck standing on end.  The sharp, sickly sweet smell of blood hung heavily in the air.  He barely held out one arm to warn the other two to stay back before he kicked his horse into a gallop into the trees.  Something metallic flashed in the grass and he pulled hard on the reins, drawing his mount to an immediate halt.  Leaping off, he snatched the offending glittering item from the grass and frowned pensively.  By this time, Hotohori and Nuriko had caught up, having ignored his signal to stay behind.

"What is it?" Nuriko snapped.  "Trying to waste more of our time?"

"There's been a battle here recently," Kenshin responded stiffly, holding up a sword with a broken blade.  He threw the sword into the grass, scrubbing his hand on his shirt as to cleanse it from the filth he had just held.

"That thing could have been here for ages," Nuriko protested.  Kenshin glared at him.

"I smell blood," he said in a dead tone.  Nuriko paused, looking uncertain.  He heard the distinct lack of 'de gozaru' on the end of the redhead's every sentence and the difference in his tone of voice was almost frightening.

"Are you sure about this?" Hotohori asked.  "I would have heard about a battle being waged on my lands."

"I've seen battlefields before," Kenshin growled.  He pulled his sword from his sheath, looking furious.  Hotohori pulled his horse back several paces.  Nuriko just stared at him in shock, unnerved by the sudden change in personalities.

"You can put your sword away," Nuriko said unsteadily.  "We believe you."

"There's someone here."

Without waiting for his companions to acknowledge the statement, Kenshin disappeared into the trees.  Almost immediately, a noise that could only be described as a 'thwap' resounded through the thick growth.  Rustling brush was heard as something landed heavily in the grass.  Nuriko and Hotohori stared, speechless, in the direction they had heard the skirmish come from, neither eager to check it out.  A moment later, a single word floated through the foliage that put them at ease.

"Oro?"

The eerie spell was broken with that simple word, causing both bishonen to kick their horses into a full run towards the source of the voice.  Nuriko grabbed the reins to Kenshin's horse in passing, pulling the unwilling steed alongside his own.  They burst into a small clearing of felled trees, their eyes sliding off of Kenshin to rest on the figure crumpled at the swordsman's feet.

"You killed him," Nuriko remarked numbly.

"He's just unconscious, de gozaru," Kenshin said sheepishly, scrubbing one hand through his hair nervously.  Hearing the quirk in his speech return, Nuriko and Hotohori relaxed visibly.

"Why did you attack him?" Hotohori asked.

"He attacked me, de gozaru," Kenshin said defensively.  "I just responded out of reflex."

Hotohori just shook his head and glanced at the crumpled figure again.  With his face buried firmly into the ground from some attack the emperor couldn't even conceive of existing, was Tamahome, only recognizable by his unruly blue hair.  Nuriko finally relaxed entirely and giggled softly, hopping down and seizing the unconscious teen by his shirt and slinging him over Kenshin's horse.

"Wait," Kenshin protested immediately.

"Hey, you knocked him out, so you have to be the one to walk," Nuriko laughed.

"That's not what I meant, de gozaru," Kenshin retorted.

"Then what is it?" Hotohori asked quickly before Nuriko could rile the small man again.

"I think we should wait here for him to regain consciousness, de gozaru," Kenshin explained.  "If he didn't come back, he must have had a reason."

"We are already several days behind because of his absence," Hotohori said reasonably.  "We should begin our journey immediately."

Kenshin frowned slightly.  "Very well, de gozaru.  You may take him."

"All right.  Now that it's settled, let's start moving then, before it gets dark," Hotohori beamed, turning his horse.  Trained by experts, the horse carrying Tamahome turned to follow him without prompting.  Nuriko started to follow before he noticed something.

"Come on," he called back to Kenshin.  Hearing him, Hotohori stopped.

"I said you could take him, de gozaru," Kenshin explained when faced with two questioning stares.  "I never said I was coming, de gozaru."

"But you have to come," Hotohori protested.  "You're Suzaku's priest!"

Kenshin shook his head.  "I wanted to hear why he didn't return, de gozaru.  If you insist on taking him with you, I must stay behind to find out by myself.  It could be some time before he wakes up on his own and I do not wish to be far away if his reason was an important one, de gozaru."

Hotohori frowned slightly, getting ready to protest.  Firm amethyst eyes met his gaze steadily and he caved.

"Very well.  We'll stay here until he wakes up and explains," he conceded.

Nuriko looked between the two of them and decided that it was in his best interest not to interfere with their contest of wills.  Between the insistence of an emperor who was not accustomed to being refused anything, no matter how minor, and someone who Nuriko now suspected was more than just a wandering samurai, there was no way to predict who would crack first.  This could get very ugly.

To Be Continued…

Sorry, I know it's short, but it's all I have at the moment for this particular story.  I kind of have a bit of writer's block.  I know what I want to do with the story, I just don't know how to get there.  *sweatdrops*  Please R&R!


	6. Chapter 6

Naturally, Tamahome took his sweet time waking up.  When he finally did, his first reaction was to curse loudly at Kenshin, having conveniently forgotten that he had attacked the tiny redhead first.  Nuriko hauled the blue-haired teen into the air, his rose colored eyes promising the dangling boy a world of pain.  While he was helpless, Hotohori approached and began interrogating the suspended boy angrily.

Kenshin just watched everything with a bored look.  He was accustomed to violence.  His eyes widened in horror when that thought brought to memory the fact that he _still_ hadn't gotten back to do the laundry.  He was a dead man.

Sighing, Kenshin broke up the heated argument between the three young men by walking directly into their view and placing one hand on his sword hilt.  Instantly, Nuriko and Hotohori blanched and backed off, leaving Tamahome sitting in the dirt looking very confused and indignant.  Amused, Kenshin dropped his hands back to his sides.

"Why didn't you come back?" he asked calmly.  Tamahome scowled.

"Bandits," he spat, still upset about being tossed around like a rag doll at Nuriko's hands.  Hotohori frowned slightly and he elaborated.  "The area's no longer safe and I can't leave my family here with this going on."  Kenshin nodded.

"That's understandable, de gozaru," he conceded.  He turned to Hotohori.  "I'd like to request a slight delay to take care of this problem, de gozaru."

Hotohori's frown deepened into a scowl.  "We've already taken too much time to come after Tamahome.  We need to resume our journey to see Taiitsu-kun."

Nuriko froze and took a step back, worried.  The battle of wills had resumed and he did not want to be caught in the middle.  Seeing Tamahome's confused look at the pair, Nuriko shook his head and motioned for him to stand clear.

"It won't take much time," Kenshin said firmly.  "I think this is an acceptable delay."  Hotohori noticed the distinct lack of 'de gozaru' in his speech patterns and paused, clearly wondering if he should back down.  Tamahome intervened, despite the warning look he had received.

"Whatever you decide is fine," Tamahome said, drawing their attention.  "But either way, I'm staying."

"I'll go with you," Kenshin offered, intentionally ignoring Hotohori's sour look.  Finally, the emperor sighed and nodded.

"Very well.  After we take care of the bandits in the area we'll proceed to Mount Taikyoku to see Taiitsu-kun.  Agreed?"

"Hai, de gozaru," Kenshin answered cheerfully.  Nuriko let out a breath he had been holding.  He had never heard of anyone standing up to the emperor and winning and was stunned to have witnessed it.

"Shall we begin?" Hotohori asked, sounding impatient.  Kenshin fought back a grin at his small victory.

"Hai, de gozaru," Kenshin said happily.  "Where did you last see them, Tamahome?"

"In the city," the blue-haired teen answered warily.  Seeing Kenshin looking that happy had him slightly worried.  "It's about two hours from here."

Kenshin's grin grew wider as Hotohori's scowl grew darker.  Nuriko quickly backed away, muttering something about getting the horses.  Tamahome watched the warring bishonen closely, debating on whether he should be worried or amused.  After a quick deliberation, he decided that it would be in the best interest of his health to stay out of the blossoming war.

Moving quickly towards Nuriko, Tamahome claimed a horse before things got really ugly.  The two swordsmen were still staring at each other and it was starting to get frightening.  Pretending like he was oblivious to the evil looks that were passing between the two warriors, he kicked his horse into a trot towards the city.  Nuriko jumped onto a second horse and quickly followed him.

"It's this way," he called over his shoulder.  Kenshin looked up immediately and waved.

Tamahome and Nuriko realized the next problem immediately.  Between the two swordsmen, only one horse remained.  They waited anxiously for the impending battle to commence, both knowing who would win if it came to blows.  Surprisingly, Kenshin backed down without blinking, waving the seething emperor towards the last mount.  Somewhat mollified by the generous act, Hotohori followed the group silently.

The journey to the village afterwards was entirely uneventful.  Tamahome and Nuriko spoke freely during the trip, Kenshin occasionally speaking up.  Hotohori stopped scowling after the first hour and began peering around, intrigued by the forest and the small wooden houses they passed.  It didn't take a genius to realize that it was his first departure from the castle.  Despite his protests, he seemed to be enjoying himself.

Reaching the village, Tamahome only had to point to the area where he had been involved in a scuffle.  Kenshin blinked, grinned and vanished.  The three Suzaku seishi stared after where he had disappeared in utter shock before kicking their horses into gallops to follow the diminutive redhead.

After a quick chase through the trees, Kenshin leapt into the air, startling the horses into bucking wildly.  Strings of curses echoed through the air, the mildest of which nearly had them bleeding from the ears.  Even with the struggle of controlling their mounts and ignoring the jaw-dropping profanities, the seishi clearly saw Kenshin descending in a graceful arc that ended with a loud cracking noise.

When the dust cleared, the three warriors stared in shock at the first thing they saw.  A redhead lying prone in the dirt, apparently unconscious.  Crying out in surprise, Nuriko leapt from his horse to aid his fallen comrade, quickly rolling the limp form onto his back.  He froze when he saw a young face adorned with prominent fangs.  Blinking at someone who was most definitely not Kenshin, he pushed one thumb into the slack mouth and pulled to the side, studying the longish canines with distinct interest.

It was Tamahome that broke the silence with a soft groan.

"That's not one of them," he muttered.

"ORO?" Kenshin wailed.  "He attacked me, de gozaru!"

"You probably frightened him," Hotohori said logically.  Kenshin made a face.

"That's beside the point, de gozaru."

"What was he doing out in the middle of nowhere anyways?" Tamahome asked, willing to defend Kenshin, the only one among his companions willing to help him.

"We could always wake him up and see," Nuriko suggested.

*     *     *

Naturally, the redhead took his sweet time waking up.  Kenshin was obviously very free with the business end of his sword.  The four waiting fighters were forewarned of the redheaded teen waking up by the string of profanities that drifted through the air.  Of all of the observers of the uncouth behavior, Kenshin was the only one who didn't seem to mind.  After all, he was used to Sano, so what chance did the fanged one stand?

Kenshin was immediately proved wrong when the group's second redhead let out a string of curses that would have made Sano bleed from the ears.  Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed that his friends were hard pressed to endure the impossible language.  Hotohori was trying not to faint.  Tamahome was bright red.  Nuriko, however, was desperately trying not to laugh himself sick.

As for himself, Kenshin was torn between mortification that a language could be slaughtered so horribly and amusement at the boy's creativeness.  The latter won out and he grinned.  The boy sounded too much like Sano for him to be upset.

"So," Kenshin began, cutting off the tirade.  "What brings you out to the middle of nowhere?"

The redhead on the ground glared at him, recognizing his attacker.  After a few seconds, the scowl melted away, replaced by a fanged grin.  He sat up and shoved his unruly hair into some semblance of order.

"I must say, I'm humbled to have been beaten by such a beautiful little woman," he said, grinning at Kenshin, completely ignoring the question.

Ignoring the snickering behind him, Kenshin merely smiled politely in return.

"I have to correct you, de gozaru," he said softly.  The three bishonen behind him watched eagerly, waiting for the shocked expression when Kenshin announced that he was male.  "Just because I'm little doesn't mean I'm defenseless."

Silence reigned supreme behind him, but Kenshin didn't care.  Since everyone was dead set on assuming he was female, he decided that for once he wasn't going to correct the error on his gender.  It would be much more amusing when the other redhead found out for himself.

"Of course not," the other redhead answered smoothly.  Inwardly, he was about to go insane.  He didn't like women, but at the same time, he couldn't bring himself to be rude to one.  "I'm Tasuki."  He extended his hand, oblivious to the fact that most women didn't want to be greeted by a simple handshake.  Not being a woman, however, Kenshin didn't care.

"I'm Kenshin Himura, de gozaru," he returned, still ignoring the odd looks his companions were throwing him.  "Now, as to why you're out here…"

"Oh, that," Tasuki snorted, cutting him off.  "It's nothing to concern yourself with.  Three pretty ladies shouldn't worry about such things when they have only a single chaperone."

Kenshin choked, his eyes watering.  He was growing used to people thinking he was a woman.  The fact that the fanged idiot thought that Nuriko was a female too was no surprise.  After all, the purple-haired teen still had Hotohori and Tamahome fooled.  But the mere thought that Tasuki assumed Hotohori to be female as well was even funnier.  He watched gleefully as Hotohori slowly turned from red to purple.

"I am not a woman!" Hotohori snapped indignantly.  "And neither is…"  He trailed off when Kenshin raised his hand, turning every color of the rainbow in his efforts to refrain from laughing.

"Neither is who?" Tasuki asked slowly.  His eyes flickered between Kenshin and Nuriko before finally settling on the purple-haired seishi.  He grinned sheepishly.  "Sorry about that.  I didn't mean to insult you by calling you a woman.  It's just that you're dressed like one, ya know."  Absolutely no tact, Kenshin decided, infinitely amused.

Again, Hotohori started to protest, this time stopping before uttering a sound when he saw Nuriko trying not to fall out of his saddle laughing.  On the other hand, Kenshin was debating on whether or not to still be amused.  Of the two of them, Nuriko was in drag and yet it was he that was assumed to be a woman.  Finally, he snorted, deciding that it was better to ignore the fanged idiot now so as to scare the life out of him later.  He momentarily paused to consider that he had been spending way too much time around Sano if he was seriously considering scaring some innocent bystander out of his mind.  Another few moments of deliberation found him not caring that he was going to be shortening the teen's lifespan by several years.  It would be funny.

Tamahome stared at the two redheads before deciding that he didn't want to be involved.  It was safer that way.  Nuriko opted to watch, thinking the situation hilarious.  Hotohori just shook his head and ignored them.  Kenshin ignored all three of them, an unholy look of glee settling in his amethyst eyes.

"I'd really like to know something, de gozaru," he said, batting his eyes.  Nuriko choked on his tongue.  When Tasuki's eyes had widened to their fullest extent and a hint of pink appeared across his cheeks, Kenshin continued, thoroughly enjoying himself.  "Do you have a red kanji, de gozaru ka?"

"K-kanji?" Tasuki stuttered.  Whatever he had been expecting, that hadn't been it.  He locked gazes with Kenshin, brown eyes meeting purple in a slightly suspicious manner.  He shoved back the sleeve on his right arm, exposing a brilliant red marking.

"No way," Nuriko gasped.

"How did you know?" Tasuki asked slowly, regaining his composure.

"I seem to be crawling with seishi," Kenshin chuckled.  "Won't be any trouble at all to gather them for the ceremony to summon Suzaku."

Tasuki made a face, slowly processing the information.  His brown eyes flickered over the three bishonen staring at him and then finally to Kenshin, who was still smiling widely.  He nodded slowly.

"You're the priestess then?" he asked.  That set Nuriko off again.  Tamahome coughed loudly when he tried to suppress his laughter.  Even the emperor smirked.

"I'll be summoning Suzaku," Kenshin confirmed.

"So you came out here to look for me?" Tasuki continued.

Kenshin shook his head.  "We came here to get Tamahome before going to see Taiitsu-kun, de gozaru.  But we can't leave until we deal with some bandits," he said, waiting for the redhead's reaction.  Tasuki made a face.

"I'm actually after them too," he admitted.  Tamahome stared at him in shock.  "Ya see, I'm actually the leader, but some pompous idiot thought he could waltz in and take over the place."

"You're responsible for this?" Tamahome asked, a dangerous gleam entering his eyes.  Tasuki shook his head.

"Hell no.  The guys never act like that when I'm around.  They know better than that."

"So if we dispose of the usurper, then the area will no longer be plagued by bandits?" Hotohori asked calmly.  Tasuki blinked at him before nodding happily.

"Yeah.  Once he's gone, there won't be a problem."

"And once the situation is under control, will you accompany us to Mount Taikyoku?"

"Of course," Tasuki answered.  "Anything to get rid of that moron."

Hotohori nodded, congratulating himself on finding another seishi.  Between four seishi and one samurai, how hard could it be to defeat a group of bandits?

Tamahome was undecided on what to think about the newest addition to the group.  He was simply glad to get rid of the threat to the village.  He quickly came to the conclusion that didn't overly care who they picked up as long as it kept the area safe.

Kenshin and Nuriko exchanged amused looks as they followed Tasuki down the trail.  They had seen the look on the redheaded teenager's face and knew exactly why he had agreed so readily to join the group.  Struggling to keep from laughing hysterically, they began to quietly plot new ways to embarrass the hormonal fang boy.

To Be Continued…

Yay!  I finally got over my writer's block on this!  Unfortunately, now that I know what I want to do, I have no more time.  -_-;  I'm really behind in reading for medical school, so please understand that this is going to be really slow… still.  R&R to let me know that I'm loved for using up my precious study time to write this insane crossover of mine.


	7. Chapter 7

Saito glared, ready to dismember someone.  Staying in Kutou was bad enough since he wanted nothing more than to get back to Japan, but he couldn't tolerate Nakago.  At first, the blond had seemed like any other warrior, but now, he was grating on Saito's nerves.

Almost every person on the palace grounds was under Saito's thumb now, except the blond.  Cowing the twins, Suboshi and Amiboshi, had been a joke.  They still ran away the moment they saw him.  Amiboshi had finally left the grounds completely, claiming that he had to spy on the Suzaku seishi.  Suboshi was still in hiding, traumatized.  Despite Nakago's best efforts, he couldn't find the panicked teenager.  Since two of the seishi were missing, the ceremony to summon Seiryu couldn't be held.  As a result, the blond was extremely testy, a fact that amused Saito to no end.

Soi had taken a bit more work, but she had finally started avoiding him too, which was a great relief.  If that ditzy slut had followed him around for much longer, he would have had to strangle her.  Ashitare had taken a little more work.  After a few encounters, though, the wolfish freak had taken a hint, as well as a few lumps, and now cowered in fear from him as well.  Miboshi, he honestly didn't feel like messing with.  Something about floating people just didn't sit well with him.

Of the last two seishi, he was currently avoiding Tomo like the plague.  The young man was covered in a minimum of six pounds of makeup.  He dressed like a total freak.  And worst of all, he seemed to have a huge crush on both him and Nakago.  After his suggestion of a threesome, Saito made it a point to stay well away from the creepy little fruitcake.  He'd never admit it, but he had developed something of a phobia of clamshells in his short stay at the castle.  He involuntarily twitched every time he thought of the illusion the depraved pervert had created.  For three days after the illusion, he'd been unable to look at his sword without cringing.

Nakago still bothered him, though.  The blond insisted on acting like he was everyone's superior and Saito had no intention of standing for that.  Something had to be done to intimidate the tall blond.  He'd already sent Soi after the warrior once, thinking she would annoy him, but after the sounds he had heard coming from Nakago's room, he decided that hadn't worked.  Better Nakago than him, he concluded.  That airhead really bothered him.

Grunting in frustration, he decided that there was only one course of action that could possibility mortify the composed blond.  He wasn't too keen on the idea, but if it was the only thing that would work, he would do it.  No one was allowed to escape him without being properly intimidated first.  That settled it.  He would flirt with the blond.

Clenching his jaw in fierce determination, he stormed down the halls towards his target.  His mood lightened considerably as his furious look frightened several years out of every hapless soldier or servant that saw him.

*     *     *

Nakago kicked Soi out of his room.  Granted, he had had a lot of fun and had gotten more than a fair bit of exercise, but she was beginning to get too clingy.  Even if he did like her, he had more important things to be doing.

Like plotting on how to traumatize Saito.

The swordsman had been strutting around the castle like he owned the place, and it was beginning to get irritating.  Everyone knew that Nakago was in charge.  Someone had to put the older man in his place.

Oh, he had tried, all right.  His last attempt had been to send Tomo after the swordsman.  After the illusion was over, Nakago wondered if it had been the best idea in the world to use that method.  For a few minutes, he had honestly believed that Saito was having a seizure.  Tomo had actually ran for his crossdressing life after seeing the murderous look in Saito's dark eyes.  Since the incident, he had simply been avoiding the painted freak.  While Nakago was amused at that, it wasn't what he had intended.  He wanted Saito to be afraid of him, not of Tomo.

He suddenly perked up.  Saito was afraid of Tomo.  If he wanted to scare the swordsman out of his mind, he only had to act like the crossdressing freak.

Quickly dressing in the tightest clothes he had, he left in search of his target.  Even if it killed them both, the swordsman would fear him, as was proper.

*     *     *

After a few hours of searching, Nakago finally located Saito in the library, sprawled lazily on a sofa lined with pillows stolen from various places in the castle.  The swordsman was idly reading some book pulled off of the shelves at random, a cigarette dangling from his lips.

Seeing that he had company, Saito lowered the book and took the cigarette from his mouth, casually blowing a lungful of smoke at the blond.  Nakago pretended like he didn't notice the acrid smoke curling around him.

"What are you reading?" he asked calmly.  Saito shrugged one shoulder and let out another puff of smoke towards the hovering figure.

"Something about the ceremony on summoning Seiryu," Saito said, sounding uninterested.  "Unfortunately, it's in Chinese."

"I believe that everything here would be.  Do you need me to translate it?"

"No.  I speak enough of the language to understand it," Saito responded.  He tossed the book onto a small table by the sofa he had frightened a few servants into bringing him.

"So you've read over the entire ceremony?"

"Mostly."

Which was true.  He had.  But the pictures depicting the holy garb the priestess was expected to wear had him worried.  Nowhere in the book had a priest ever been mentioned.  He had a feeling that Nakago knew this, and if that was the case, the blond would pay the ultimate price.

Without asking, Nakago settled himself on the sofa.  Even though he was pressed against the armrest, his leg was brushing against Saito's, who was taking up most of the sofa in his sprawled position.

Jerked from his thoughts by the sudden movement and infringement on his personal space, Saito stiffened, reflexively reaching for his sword before remembering his plan.  Mentally kicking himself for his slip, he casually sat upright, the movement bringing him much closer to the blond.

For several seconds, the two stared awkwardly at each other.  It was no secret that they barely tolerated each other and both were now reconsidering their plans.  Deciding that he would lose his nerve if he hesitated too long, Saito suddenly moved forward, hoping to catch the blond off guard.  At the same moment, Nakago had decided to go through with his end of the torment, thinking it the only way to get the swordsman to fear him.

Their lips met badly, noses hitting each other and teeth clicking together.  There was no time to correct the position, even if either had had the nerve to continue with their insane idea.  An outraged voice interrupted them.

"I can't believe this!  You started without me?"

Mortified, Nakago and Saito looked up to see Tomo standing a few feet from the sofa, arms crossed and eyes flashing.  Despite his attempt to look angry, he was starting to smirk, a lustful look crossing his face.

Seeing the expression, Nakago and Saito did the only reasonable thing they could think of.  They ran for their lives.

*     *     *

Tomo stood exactly where he was, watching the two men scramble to escape.  A smirk crossed his lips and he set out after the blond.

"Another week and I'll own this place," he chuckled.

To Be Continued…

Sorry.  I know it's short.  This was done during one of my study breaks.  I was bored and inspired to madness from one of my reviews.  See?  That's why you review.  No telling what will set me off to writing more.  R&R!  For the love of tentacles and other instruments of perversion, R&R!  My ego fits in my room!  I can't have that!


	8. Chapter 8

For no better reason than that it was amusing, Kenshin continued to torture Tasuki.  Though it was only a short journey to the bandit hideout, he made it a point to smile at the other redhead, enjoying the inevitable blush from the younger boy.  If not for the fact that they were about to pick a fight with a rather large group of bandits, he would be teasing the teenager more doggedly than he was currently.  He'd just have to mess with the boy's head later.  Served him right for thinking he was a woman.  That, and it was still funny.

Suddenly, he was greatly relieved that Kaoru and Megumi didn't know what he was up to.  The thought of what they would do to him for flirting with another man made him cringe.  He just knew that if they saw this, they would be all over him, groping and poking, trying to show him the error of his ways.

Even worse, if he was found out, Sano would inevitably know.  He visibly flinched.  The tall street fighter already followed him around persistently.  But if the young brunette somehow started thinking that he was gay, he was sure he'd be doomed.  Unbidden, the thought of the lanky man clinging tenaciously to him entered his mind and he shuddered.

_Why am I even thinking this?_ he wondered.  _It's not like they'd ever find out._

Nodding to himself, he turned his attention back to the trail they were following.  Every now and then, he would wink at the young redhead or flutter his eyelashes coyly.  Tasuki flushed and squirmed uncomfortably, averting his gaze.  Kenshin snickered evilly.

*     *     *

Silence reigned supreme.  Well, disregarding the hysterical laughter coming from Yahiko from where he shaking on the ground, nearly going into convulsions.  Slowly, the other three came out of their stupors.

"What kind of pervert is Kenshin anyways?" Kaoru yelled, turning red in the face.  She felt an unimaginable urge to break something, preferably Kenshin's neck.  After a few minutes, she stormed off to practice her forms, needing something to calm her down before she burned the book and Kenshin in it.

"It's always the quiet ones," Megumi murmured, looking surprised.

"Why that… he… I'm gonna…" Sano stammered, so angry that he was shaking.

"Calm down," Megumi said soothingly, the evil twinkle in her eyes belying the calming tone.  "At least now you know that Hajime is fair game and Kenshin won't object."

"I'M NOT GAY!" Sano roared.

"Yeah right!" Yahiko hiccupped, rolling to his feet as he prepared to run.

Sure enough, a furious fighter for hire was tearing after him, looking ready to kill.  Yahiko was already running for his life, laughing madly as he went.

"I'm not!  I'm not!" Sano was chanting as he ran.  He was so angry that he missed a turn and lost some ground on catching the youthful terror who was still laughing at him.

"Then why are you chasing me?" Yahiko countered.  "You know you want a piece of this!"  He slapped his butt as he ran.

Sano let out a streak of obscenities that had paint peeling from the walls.  Megumi watched them disappear with an amused expression, honestly surprised with Sano's creativity and extensive vocabulary.  Shrugging, she turned back to the book.

"Too bad this thing doesn't have pictures," she murmured wistfully, grinning.

*     *     *

Feeling a cold sensation running up and down his spine, Kenshin shivered slightly.  He craned his head to look over his shoulder, half expecting to see Kaoru on the offensive with some weapon of mass destruction.  He flinched, suddenly remembering the laundry that he still hadn't had the opportunity to finish.

To Be Continued…

I'm sorry.  I know it's short.  Real life is plotting against me.  First there were finals, then I had to move.  While moving, my computer got broken and I lost everything.  I had to move again like two days after my computer was working again.  Now I'm back in class and behind in my reading.  I think I'm going to go have a nervous breakdown now…  x_x

I'll try to type faster.  Don't kill me… *hides under desk*  R&R!!!


	9. Chapter 9

When they were within a mile of the bandit hideout, the small cluster of warriors found themselves surrounded.  Tasuki and Tamahome nearly jumped their attackers, Hotohori only a split second behind them, when Kenshin casually stepped towards the group and calmly surrendered.  That course of action nearly got him throttled by Nuriko.

"What were you thinking?" the crossdresser demanded.  Kenshin shrugged.

"That we can get inside without fighting," he answered absently.  "After all, they already know we're here, de gozaru."

"But now we're tied up and we have no weapons," Tamahome growled.  Kenshin shrugged again, unconcerned.

"There's another problem," Tasuki cut in, looking worriedly at Kenshin.  When the smaller redhead blinked at him questioningly, he elaborated.  "Eiken is a real pervert and he has this thing for petite young women."

"Won't he be surprised," Nuriko muttered under his breath.  Tasuki glanced up at him.

"Eh?" he asked intelligently.

"Well, Kenshin's not exactly…" he paused, noting the pointed look the tiny samurai was giving him.  He cleared his throat and started again, improvising.  "Kenshin isn't defenseless, you know?"

"I know that," Tasuki said firmly, still frowning.  "But she is tied up."

Hotohori made a strange noise in the back of his throat at the redhead's continuing stupidity at believing Kenshin to be female.  The noise drew attention to himself.  One of the bandits approached him arrogantly, flipping his blue hair out of his face as he walked.  The movement revealed a long scar down his left cheek.

"Well, missy, if you worry about your little redheaded friend so much, you could always take her place," he leered, green eyes flashing dangerously.  Somehow, the emperor managed to keep a straight face.  Nuriko had to bite his lips to keep from laughing.

Kenshin cleared his throat and looked pointedly at the others.  After a few glares, exasperated looks and a few grins from Kenshin and Nuriko, they came to a silent agreement.  Trying to look properly cowed, Kenshin cleared his throat.

"I'll go to Eiken, de gozaru," he murmured, trying to keep his voice light and feminine.  "Just don't hurt my friends."

The bandits glanced at each other and shrugged.

"So be it.  Take the girl to the boss and throw the others into a holding cell," the bandit who had been leering at Hotohori ordered.  He glanced at Kenshin with sympathetic green eyes, hiding the look from the other bandits.

Releasing an almost inaudible sigh, he grabbed Kenshin's wrists where they were bound behind him, dragging him forcibly away from his comrades.  Kenshin took one last opportunity to glance back at the others before they were out of sight.  Hotohori and Tamahome looked vastly annoyed, the former because the priest was in danger and the latter at the sheer stupidity of the situation.  Nuriko was still trying not to laugh.  Tasuki looked absolutely stricken, clearly worried that Eiken would hurt him.  The fanged boy hadn't been with the group long enough to recognize the presence of 'de gozaru' in Kenshin's speech to know that the petite samurai wasn't concerned about the situation.

Trying not to snicker and give himself away, Kenshin allowed himself to be led forcibly through winding halls of a large building.  Once they were out of earshot of the other bandits, the teenager eased his grip and leaned over to whisper in his ear.

"Look lady, I'm really sorry about this.  I'll try to get you and your friends out of here, but I'm not sure what I can do," he murmured.  Kenshin turned slightly to peer into the miserable emerald eyes.  He grinned widely.

"Don't worry about me, de gozaru," he chuckled.  "Could you just get the others loose once I start fighting?"

"Sure lady," he said, eyeing Kenshin strangely.  "But what about you?"

"I'll be fine, de gozaru," Kenshin said, adopting a vapid smile.  The blue-haired teen looked at him uncertainly.

"Okay," he said doubtfully.  "I'll do what you say, but only because I saw the looks you and those other two ladies were givin' each other.  They obviously trust you.  But Genrou was right to look worried.  Be careful, ya know.  Eiken is dangerous."

"Genrou?" Kenshin asked.

"Tasuki," the bandit teen corrected himself.  "I've just know him as Genrou since we were kids.  Can't break the habit.  I'm Koji, by the way."

"Kenshin," the redhead offered, still grinning.  "And you really don't have to worry, de gozaru.  I know how to fight."

"Sure lady," Koji muttered.  He looked up when Kenshin snorted.  "What?"

"Nothing," Kenshin replied.  "Take me to Eiken and release my friends.  I'll get rid of him before you get back, de gozaru."

"Sure lady," Koji said again, shaking his head and sending his blue hair flying.  Sighing, he stopped at a door and knocked loudly.

"What?" a loud, drunken voice demanded.

"Got a little lady for ya," Koji called through the door.  "We captured her and her friends a ways from here."

"Send her in," the drunkard within demanded.

Koji looked at Kenshin mournfully as he pushed open the door, leaning very close as he did so.

"Good luck," he whispered.  Kenshin winked.

Koji watched until he had pulled the door fully closed.  He turned to leave and froze, wide emerald eyes staring at the door for a moment in utter disbelief.  The redhead's hands had been untied, clasped casually around the unwound rope.  A disbelieving grin bloomed on his face.  He hadn't seen the small warrior slipping free of the binding.

"Maybe she has a chance after all," he chuckled softly, hurrying down the halls to free his old friend and his strange collection of companions.

*     *     *

Kenshin stood calmly just inside the room, fingers twisting around the rope in his palms as he scanned the room for something he could use as a weapon.  He quickly disregarded the assorted battle-axes and maces he saw hanging from the walls.  A walking stick in the corner of the room caught his attention and a smirk appeared on his face.  It wasn't a sword, but he could still clobber someone with it.  His thoughts were interrupted by an alcohol slurred voice.

"You're a pretty one," he drawled, leaning forward.

Kenshin turned to face the man, almost laughing himself sick when he saw what awaited him.  An overweight man well past his prime, drunk and wielding nothing more dangerous than a metal fan stared back at him.  Shaking his head in disdain, he tossed the rope aside and walked coolly to the corner to retrieve the solid oak staff.  The fat man raised his bushy eyebrows.

"Untied, are ya?" he laughed.  "What?  Ya gonna fight me with that stick?"

"Surrender," Kenshin said firmly.  Eiken laughed louder, turning red.  Kenshin rolled his eyes, wondering how he could be so blind not to recognize a warrior.

"Drop the stick, missy, and come over here," Eiken growled, his close set eyes lighting up as he studied Kenshin closely.  When Kenshin didn't obey, he raised the metal fan in his hands threateningly.  "Or else."

Kenshin raised the wooden staff, expecting the man to throw it or try to hit him with it.  He was expecting the irritated growl, but not the furious gesture and the infuriated shout.

"Rekka shinen!"

Kenshin was even less prepared for the tidal wave of fire that descended on him.  Unable to defend himself, he opted to dodge, leaping into the air.  Spinning mid-leap, he propelled himself off of the ceiling towards the gaping man.

"Ryu tsui sen!"

Kenshin gaped when the drunken man managed to counter the attack, blocking the blow with the large metal fan he held.  Quickly reassessing the situation, he decided that he wouldn't go easy on the overweight alcoholic.  Rebounding off of the wall behind Eiken, he lunged forward, eyes blazing.

"Amakakeru ryu no hirameki!"

The wooden staff in Kenshin's hands snapped like a twig, but the damage was done.  The Hiten Mitsurugi final technique had knocked his opponent unconscious and flung him at supersonic speeds through the wall and into the surrounding woods.  He almost grinned at the simplicity of the won battle when a horrified cry met his ears.

"DA!!!"

"Oro?"

To Be Continued…

Sorry about the delay!  A combination of writers block and medical school attacked me.  And for those of you saying that I use the school excuse too often, I do not!  It's a valid excuse and will be for years to come.  For example, this week alone, required readings come to over thirty chapters.  It hurts just to think about.  I'm only in the first week of the current class, and I'm already several hundred pages behind in my reading.

For those of you saying that Kenshin is twenty-eight and not thirty, I know that he is in the series.  This is set a couple of years after the Shishio arc.

Show me you love me for my efforts (as miserable as they are) and R&R!!!


	10. Chapter 10

Realizing that he had hit an innocent bystander, Kenshin rushed outside, leaping nimbly through the hole that Eiken's fat butt had knocked in the wall.  He looked around, groaning when he saw how dark it had gotten outside.  Even with the light shining from the building into the surrounding woods, he couldn't see well enough to find who he had crushed with the moron's flying form.

"Why me, de gozaru ka?" he muttered.  A weakened voice sounded from the darkness in response, wobbling slightly as though in pain.

"Da?"

"Oro?"

"Da!"

Perking up, Kenshin jogged easily into the darkness towards where he thought he had heard the voice.  Not entirely sure of his bearings, he called out again.

"Oro!"

"Da!"

Kenshin took another few steps into the gloom, frowning when he almost tripped over a mass of branches that had been knocked free from their respective trees as a flying hunk of lard had shot past at mach speed.

"Where are you, de gozaru ka?" Kenshin called out, certain that he was close to his target.  The answer came from a few feet to his left and he spun to face its source.

"Here, na no da."

A loud groan escaped from Kenshin's lips when he got a look at the prone figure by the pale light of the stars.  It was bad enough that he had hit a bystander.  To top it off, he had managed to crush a monk with the bloated whale carcass.

Finally, the gears in Kenshin's puffy-haired head kicked into action.  He hesitated before pulling the reeking boar's ass off of the dazed blue-haired man.

"You're a monk, de gozaru," he said in an accusing tone.

"Hai, na no da," he wheezed, shoving ineffectively at the vodka-soaked lard lump resting on him, still unconscious.  He flopped back, panting.  "Can you get him off me, no da?"

"Why would a monk be wandering around in the woods after dark?  Especially this close to a bandit hideout?"

Before the blue-haired monk could open his mouth, Kenshin's violet eyes narrowed.  He grabbed Eiken's beer-stained shirt and heaved the man off of the crushed figure beneath him, who gaped up at him in confusion.

"Don't you want an explanation, no da?" he asked, looking baffled.  Kenshin offered him a bubble-headed grin and shook his head.

"Where's the kanji, de gozaru ka?" he asked, violet eyes sparkling in the dim light.

"Da," he acceded in understanding.  Chuckling softly, he grasped the material of his loose pants at the ankle and pulled it up, exposing his right knee.  A blood red kanji flared brightly.

"Thought so, de gozaru," Kenshin smirked.

"I would have helped you sooner, but you seemed to have things under control, no da," the monk offered, smiling in return.  "By the way, I'm Chichiri, no da."

"Kenshin Himura, de gozaru."

"I'm glad that I've finally found you," Chichiri said.  "I was sent to protect Suzaku's chosen, no da."  He appeared to be studying Kenshin, but the swordsman was unable to tell.  The monk's eyes seemed to be permanently closed.  "I was expecting a priestess, no da.  Not a priest."

"You… you're the first one to get my gender right, de gozaru!" Kenshin exclaimed, violet eyes widening until they threatened to take up most of his face.  He got the impression that Chichiri blinked at him, but his eyes never moved.  Chichiri did, however, turn red.

"Well, you're rather…" Chichiri trailed off, motioning helplessly with his hands. "Lacking in endowments for a woman, no da."  He blushed more fiercely, ducking his head.  Kenshin grinned.

"Just don't tell Tasuki," he pleaded, violet eyes glittering with mischief.  "He's the only one who doesn't know yet, de gozaru."

"I see," Chichiri responded, nodding thoughtfully.  His mouth quirked in amusement.  "You seem to enjoy teasing him, no da."

"Hai, de gozaru," Kenshin acknowledged.  "If you want in on the fun, there is something that we could do together, de gozaru."

"Da?"

"Oro."

"Da," Chichiri answered, understanding blooming across his face.  "But I must know one thing, na no da."

"Oro?"

"De gozaru, no da?"

"No da, de gozaru?" Kenshin countered.

"Oro, na no da?" Chichiri asked, his voice quivering with amusement.  Kenshin's eyes lit up with unholy glee.

"Na no gozaru," he said firmly, hard-pressed to keep a straight face as he began slurring the phrases together.  A bark of laughter escaped Chichiri.

"De no gozaru da!"

They laughed like loons for several minutes before they began to pull themselves together.

"Shall we rejoin the others while we can still speak, de gozaru ka?" Kenshin asked, interrupting the banter.

"Hai, no da," Chichiri managed.

Still laughing, they managed to tie up the fat buffoon with strips of cloth taken from his own shirt.  Together, they began lugging him back towards the main building.  They had almost made it back before a worried voice broke out into the night.

"Kenshin?  Are you out there?  Are you okay?"

"Nuriko," Kenshin muttered under his breath to Chichiri.  From far to their right came the second call.

"Kenshin?" Tasuki's voice rang out.  "Hey Kenshin!  You still alive?"

"Tasuki," Kenshin supplied softly.  Chichiri just nodded.

"Hey lady!  Where're ya?"

"Koji," Kenshin breathed.  "He doesn't know either, de gozaru."

"I figured as much, no da," Chichiri panted.  "Hey, can we call them?  This guy's heavy, no da."

"Sure," Kenshin murmured, eyes glinting.  He raised his voice to be heard by his comrades.  "Oro?"

Immediately, Tasuki was at his side, followed shortly by Koji.  Nuriko arrived a few seconds later.  Taking in the situation, the crossdresser hefted the fat-ass over his shoulders and headed back towards the main compound.  Tasuki, Koji and Chichiri openly gaped.  Kenshin just smirked and feigned innocence.

Ignoring the questions from his friends, Kenshin started walking after Nuriko.  He had to bite his lip when they began discussing the current situation, Chichiri stumbling slightly over his own words as he desperately attempted to remember not to let on that he knew that Kenshin was a man.  Kenshin wisely stayed out of the conversation.

Koji excused himself, explaining that he had to get things ready to lock up Eiken.  After only hearing bits and pieces of the conversation, Kenshin understood that leadership of the Mt. Reikaku bandits had been transferred to Koji until Tasuki's return.  Curious, Kenshin tuned back in to the conversation already in progress, having to immediately bite his tongue to keep from making a noise at what he heard.

"If you're not interested in her, why are you here?"

"I was sent to protect Suzaku's pr… uh… chosen."

"You tellin' me that you don't find her sexy?"

"Not in the slightest," Chichiri said, barely managing to keep his voice level.  "I have no interest along those lines."

"What?  You sayin' that you're gay?" Tasuki demanded.

Kenshin choked on his tongue.  Behind him, he could almost feel Chichiri going into a violent seizure as he struggled to find a suitable answer.

"It is wrong for a monk to take interest," he supplied, somehow managing to maintain a dignified expression.

"I've seen monks take interest," Kenshin whispered, careful to only allow Chichiri to hear.  The blue-haired man stuck out his tongue.

"Is that a promise or a threat?" Kenshin teased quietly.

"Whichever Tasuki wants it to be," Chichiri countered, reddening slightly.  They both had to stifle chuckles.  Tasuki, completely lost due to his inability to hear the conversation, stared at them like an idiot.

Hotohori and Tamahome arrived, ceasing the conversation.  In the distance, Nuriko unloaded his unconscious passenger over to three sets of waiting hands.  Immediately, the three men taking Eiken were squashed.  Pretending not to notice, Nuriko turned and trotted back towards the cluster of seishi around Kenshin.  Hotohori waited tersely for him to arrive before he began his string of questions.

"Who is that?" he asked stiffly, barely containing his impatience as he pointed at Chichiri.  The monk just offered a harmless look, trying not to grin like an airhead.

"I am Chichiri, no da," he said, finally giving in and smiling widely.  Foreseeing the upcoming line of questions, he continued amiably.  "I am a Suzaku seishi, na no da."

"No da?" Tasuki repeated.

"Da," Chichiri confirmed.  Nuriko's rose-colored eyes became huge.

"Oh no," the crossdresser moaned.  "Not another one!"

"Another what, de gozaru ka?" Kenshin interjected innocently.

"Is something wrong?  You look upset, na no da."

Tamahome groaned.  Nuriko looked ready to strangle someone.  Tasuki seemed torn between laughing hysterically and throwing something heavy.  The latter urge seemed to be growing in force as he tightened his grip on something over his shoulder.  Kenshin glanced at it curiously, blinking when he noticed that Tasuki had the huge metal fan that Eiken had been using.  He concluded that the lard ball must have dropped it when he was thrown through the wall and the fanged redhead must have collected it before beginning his search.  He made a quick mental note to be far away when the walking hormone of a teenager decided to use it.  The business end of the fan was fairly obnoxious.

Hotohori interrupted an impending melee by simply redirecting everyone's attention to a different subject.

"Chichiri," he began, waiting until the monk turned his head to face him.  He paused mid sentence, staring at the blue-haired man's apparently closed eyes.  Putting the thought aside for questioning later, he continued.  "You're a monk, aren't you?"

"Hai, no da."

"Could you contact Taiitsu-kun?  We need to speak with…"

Hotohori trailed off again, this time staring at Chichiri's face.  A large gash ran the length of his cheek, a fold of skin hanging limply along his jaw.  Strangely, there was no blood.  Tasuki saw this at the same time.

"What happened to your face?" Tasuki asked bluntly.

"Why didn't you inform us you were injured?" Hotohori spoke over the redhead, attempting to retain some tact.

Chichiri reached up and fingered the loose skin on the side of his face for a moment before grinning and flapping one hand at them dismissively.

"It's no problem, na no da," he said cheerily.  "I have another!"

With that, he yanked off a facemask, revealing an identical one beneath, that one unmarred by the blow that had shredded the first.  Quickly surveying reactions, he whipped the old mask straight at Tamahome, who promptly yelped and fell on his backside to avoid being touched.

"That is just wrong," Nuriko muttered, shaking his head.

"Well," Kenshin interrupted, distracting attention from Chichiri before blood could be spilt.  "Shall we contact Taiitsu-kun, de gozaru ka?"

"Hai, no da."

To Be Continued…

Sorry.  I just couldn't resist doing my own version of Marco Polo between the two psychos.  And no, you haven't seen the last of the 'de gozaru – no da' wars.  I will run that one into the ground because it's just too much fun.

Sorry about the delay.  Lots of stuff has been happening.  Including me breaking my computer while moving.  Oh, and as of two days ago, I have a new kitten.  Little blood-sucking she-demon, who we now call Ryoko, has decided that my hand is the perfect chew toy.  Typing with bandages is slow going.  I swear, she's a Tasmanian devil in disguise.

R&R!!


	11. Chapter 11

Saito was silently congratulating himself.  Amiboshi had come out of hiding, but instead of taking him to Nakago, as the tall blond had demanded, he had sent him out to spy on the Suzaku seishi, in compliance with the boy's original excuse for hiding.  Even as he watched the boy escape with his flute in hand, he fully expected Kenshin to recognize him as a spy in less than three seconds and thrash him soundly.  Despite the pressing urge to return home, he much preferred tormenting Nakago.

Knowing that the blond would be expecting him shortly to rehearse the ceremony for summoning Seiryu, he vacated his quarters to take a walk, determined not to be found when the younger man was looking for him.  He would not give the blond the satisfaction of telling him to do anything.  As much fun as it was tormenting Kenshin, aggravating the blond was infinitely more amusing for some reason.

*     *     *

Amiboshi swore luridly.  He was covered in insect bites and stings, as well as a number of rashes and sores that he could not readily explain, nor did he really want to.  Ashitare had followed him for a little while, probably as an excuse to avoid a certain sword-wielding lunatic, but had finally left when Amiboshi managed to get sprayed by a skunk.  Tired, stinky and spotted, the teenager stomped off towards his goal.

*     *     *

Kenshin was standing in the middle of a small lake they had found while traveling, delighted to finally have the chance to bathe.  He knew what was coming and he was waiting for it, smirking slightly.  A slight snap of a breaking twig alerted him to his observer and he hunkered down in the water, keeping only his head above the surface.  He turned in the water, making sure his back was towards the shadow in the trees before he rose again, smirking to himself.

Predictably enough, hiding in the trees was no one other than Tasuki, the redhead seishi having snuck off to attempt to sneak a peek at his crush.  Long since done washing, Kenshin started for the shore where his clothes were neatly stacked, moving carefully so that certain plant life would remain in the way of certain telltale anatomical features that would give away the game.  Moving completely out of sight, he dressed quickly and sprinted back to the camp, knowing he would return long before the teenager could.

Chichiri was setting up various trinkets and weird things that no one could readily identify in preparation for summoning Taiitsu-kun.  Seeing the redheaded swordsman's return, the masked monk arched one eyebrow in inquiry.

"Oro?" Kenshin asked innocently.  Nearby, Tamahome twitched at the word that all of the seishi had come to dread.

"Da?" Chichiri returned pointedly.  He avidly ignored the blue-haired teen who was popping his knuckles threateningly.

"De gozaru," Kenshin answered.

Nuriko chunked a rock at the two.  Since Chichiri had joined the group, he and Kenshin made it a point to only speak to each other with the weird little phrases that drove everyone else insane, mostly because no one could figure out what the two were talking about.  Strangely enough, the two bubbleheads seemed to understand each other perfectly, their odd little minds completely in sync.  To prove that they seemed to think with one mind, they both casually leaned to the side as the hurled stone flew by at a velocity that wouldn't be out of place on something leaving the planet's orbit.  The flying rock made a clean hole through one tree and lodged itself in the next in its path.  Chichiri leaned forward to look through the hole in the once mighty oak.

"Da," he said appreciatively.  Nuriko growled.

"I'm going to look for Tasuki," Tamahome announced, standing rather stiffly and stalking out of the camp.

Chichiri and Kenshin exchanged triumphant looks and laughed hysterically at the younger man's thickness for not realizing what Tasuki had been up to.  On the other side of the fire, Hotohori diligently pretended not to know them.  Nuriko eyed them strangely, seeming to catch on.

"Wait a moment.  Was Tasuki…" Nuriko said, trailing off as he realized what the other teenager had been up to.  The two loonies only laughed harder.  Nuriko snorted.  "How could he not have figured it out by now?"

"Indeed," Hotohori sighed.  "It's such a simple matter to spot a crossdresser."

At that, Nuriko and Kenshin cracked up.  Chichiri turned a blank face to them, not knowing that Hotohori still thought the purple-haired seishi was a woman.  Kenshin filled him in on the situation.

"De gozaru," he said, jerking his head at Nuriko.

"Da!" Chichiri exclaimed in understanding.

"What?" Hotohori asked, not understanding the maniacal grinning.  "Never mind.  Are you about ready to summon Taiitsu-kun?"

"Hai, no da," Chichiri said a little too happily.

"Should we wait for the horn dog and the brat to come back?" Nuriko asked.

"They're back," Hotohori said, nodding his head towards the trees.  "They're just over there."

"That ain't us," Tasuki said, appearing with Tamahome from the opposite direction.

Violet eyes narrowed dangerously.  "Wait here," Kenshin said in a flat voice.

"But…"

That was all Nuriko had time to get out.  Kenshin took off like a shot, sword leading.  The five seishi with him could only listen as the scene unfolded beyond their sight in the growing darkness.

"Ryu Sho Sen!"

THWACK!

"Oro?"

"We really need to keep him tied up," Nuriko commented dryly, being one of the two seishi there that Kenshin hadn't beaten up in some way.  Tamahome and Tasuki winced, both of them having been on the receiving end of Kenshin's attacks.  Chichiri was still bruised from being a landing pad for the lard butt the redhead had beaten up last.

Hotohori grabbed a stick from the fire, holding the lit end far from his robes as he led the way into the darkness to figure out who the midget had bludgeoned this time.  That's when they heard him again.

"ORO!"

THWACK-THWACK-THWACK-THWACK-THWACK!

"I'm afraid to ask," Tamahome muttered.

Afraid to ask or not, he found out just what Kenshin had caught a moment later when the lit branch Hotohori was holding illuminated the scene.  Kenshin was standing a little ways back from a heap of something, holding his sleeve over his nose and mouth, violet eyes watering profusely.

"You killed him," Tasuki said dryly, prodding the downed figure with one toe.  Suddenly, he got a whiff of the figure too and he leapt back, pinching his nose shut.  "Never mind!  He was already dead!"

"I don't think so," Chichiri said, poking the unconscious mass with the tip of his staff, not really wanting to get too close.

"Then he should be dead and Kenshin did us a favor!" Tasuki said, backing up further.

"He's not dead," Chichiri sighed.  "But he does need a doctor now."

"I thought he was a giant skunk," Kenshin said in his defense.

"Close enough," Tamahome said, face screwed up from the smell.  He came up with the question of the day a moment later.  "Who's going to carry him?"

Nervous looks were exchanged and a lot of finger pointing went on for a few seconds.  Surprisingly, it didn't take very long to figure out that particular conundrum.

In the end, Tamahome ended up having to carry the stink factory that would later be known as Amiboshi.  They were originally going to throw him onto one of the mounts and lead that horse by a lengthy piece of rope, but all of the horses ran away the moment they scented skunk boy.  Kenshin still had his reverse blade sword and no one in their right mind was going to try to make him do anything he didn't want to.  Hotohori had calmly issued a royal decree stating that menial labor such as that was below him and it would be a short drop and a southern stop for anyone who defied that order.  Tasuki still had the Fan of Doom and no one was willing to challenge him.  Chichiri had, in all seriousness, threatened to turn everyone else into newts if he had to carry stink boy.  When it came down to Nuriko and Tamahome, the purple-haired crossdresser simply had to pop a tree out of the ground with his bare hands and threaten to clobber Tamahome with it.

Faced with those options, Tamahome stuffed moss up his nose and grudgingly carried the unconscious boy.

To Be Continued…

I am SO sorry.  I had writers block for a little while and then I actually forgot about this story!  I'm as ditzy as I'm making Kenshin and Chichiri out to be.  I just discovered my brain dead mistake today and quickly wrote up a section.  Please forgive me and R&R.


	12. Chapter 12

After questioning the locals, they determined that there was a healer a few villages to the north.  Getting a whiff of the unconscious youth with them, the seishi were chased out of the town by a mob wielding torches and pitchforks.  Amiboshi regained consciousness about three hours down the road, at which point Tamahome, who retreated to a safe distance for his nose, instantly dumped him in the dirt.

"You owe me money for new clothes," Tamahome growled at him by way of greeting.  "These are going to have to be burned and the ashes buried at least six feet deep."

"We should burn and bury him too," Tasuki muttered, pinching his nose shut in a childish gesture.

"Now, who are you and what are you doing out here?" Tamahome asked, always the suspicious little snot.

"My name is Amiboshi," he said.  "I heard rumor that the Suzaku seishi were gathering.  I came to see for sure."

"You have a kanji, de gozaru," Kenshin stated with bored certainty.  Amiboshi verified his suspicion by flashing a red symbol at them.

"Bummer, no da," Chichiri mumbled under his breath.  "This means that the living stink bomb is going to be following us from now on, na no da."

"Can't we just ditch him somewhere and come back for him when we're ready to perform the ceremony?" Tasuki asked miserably.

"You know I can hear you," Amiboshi called to them.

"We don't care," Tasuki returned.  "You reek."

"We can't risk loosing track of him," Hotohori said reasonably.  "He comes with us."

"Even if skunk boy was useless, we'd still have to take him to the healer anyways," Nuriko said.  "Thwap-Happy here made sure of that."  He gave Kenshin an irked look.

"Leave her alone," Tasuki commanded, protecting the other redhead.

"Her?" Amiboshi echoed.

"Yeah, her," Tasuki snapped.  "What'd you expect?  Us to stuff a guy in drag and try to pass him off as a priestess?"

A lot of muffled snickering followed the remark from all of the gathered males with the exception of Kenshin.  The diminutive redhead was a bit disconcerted by the thought of wearing a dress in a religious ceremony.  Immediately following the thought came the mental image of Saito in a frilly blue dress over the top of a stuffed bra and he was caught between laughter and a massive chill down his spine.  The resultant noise from his throat made him sound rather like he was choking on a hedgehog.

"Are you okay, no da?" Chichiri asked, still grinning from the thought of Kenshin in a pink dress.  For some reason, it was all too easy to imagine it.  Kenshin knew what he was thinking and gave him a dirty look.

"I was just imagining Seiryu's chosen in a tight, lacy number," Kenshin answered.

He was surprised to see Amiboshi a little ways from him, trembling from a full body chill, his fingers curling and eyes twitching as though he was having a seizure.  Kenshin gave him an odd look.  Though willing to overlook the boy's knowledge of his true gender, since Chichiri had managed to figure out the same thing, he couldn't ignore the fact that the stink factory quite obviously knew who Saito was.  A quick glance at Chichiri showed that the monk was thinking along the same lines.

"Is the Seiryu priestess a hot chick too?" Tasuki asked eagerly.  Amiboshi made a gagging noise and went pale.  Chichiri and Kenshin exchanged evil looks.

"Da?" Chichiri asked, arching one eyebrow at Kenshin.  (The translation of bubblehead to normal speech came roughly to, 'Spy?')

"De gozaru."  ('Of course.')

"Da.  Na no da?"  ('I see.  Are we going to torture this poor guy?')

"Oro."  ('Until he rips his hair out and screams for his mommy.')

"Oro, no da?"  ('Would you like to go first, or should I?')

"De gozaru, oro.  Na no da."  ('We'll make this a competition of who can get him to snap first.  I'll even be nice and give you the first move.')

"Da!"  ('Thanks!')

The two psychos looked up from their quickly muttered conversation to find that all of the other seishi were staring at them.  The emotions emitted towards them ranged from confused to 'you can expect a butt-kicking if you don't stop immediately' irritated.  Amiboshi looked somewhat amazed, seemingly understanding that they were talking in their own little code while everyone sane was unable to follow their conversation.

"Are you two quite finished?" Hotohori asked, frustrated.

"Oro?"  ('Were we doing something?')

"Da."  ('Aw, but we're perfectly innocent and ever so cute.')

"Stand back.  I'm going to kill them both," Nuriko growled.

"Do they do that a lot?" Amiboshi asked Tamahome, who was the only one with his sense of smell damaged enough to let him even remotely close.

"Constantly," Tamahome sighed.

"It's not so bad," Tasuki said, shrugging.  "As long as Chichiri isn't competition."

"Da…"  ('He has the IQ of a cabbage…')

Snort.  "De gozaru ka?  Oro?"  ('It took you this long to realize that?  Why do you think I like teasing him?')

"I'm warning you two," Tamahome growled.

"Da, no da."  ('We should probably knock it off for now.  I think Tamahome is about to blow the vein in his forehead.')

"De gozaru.  Oro, no da."  ('You're probably right.  But if that thing goes off, you get to clean up the mess.')

"Da!"  ('Says who?!?')

Cracking knuckles finally broke them up.  Both Tamahome and Nuriko were approaching them, fists clenched.  Kenshin raised his hands in defeat.

"Lets get to the next village," Chichiri said, pretending that nothing had happened.  "The sooner we get Amiboshi patched up, the sooner we can get to Mount Taikyoku, no da."  He started back down the trail as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened.  Kenshin fell in step with him, arching one red eyebrow in question.  Chichiri smirked.

A little ways behind them, Hotohori caught the interaction and was honestly afraid.  They were planning something.  Something potentially very bad.  And when two head cases started in on their weird little schemes, it did not bode well for the rest of the world.

To Be Continued…

Just thought I'd do something really quick since I've gotten a large number of requests to get off my butt and update this fic.  I figured that while I was at it, you guys would appreciate the bubblehead to English translations.  ^_^  R&R!


	13. Chapter 13

Chichiri started off his torment lightly, careful not to give away the game immediately.  He used his tricks to make things appear under Amiboshi's feet constantly, mostly stones, thorns and the occasional scorpion.  Nothing that would really hurt him, but it would make his life miserable while he persisted in following them.  The boy ended up doing so many face-plants that he ended up knocking himself out, which resulted in Tamahome carrying him again, much to the seishi's irritation.

That evening, Kenshin took his turn.  After everyone else was asleep, he snuck out of his sleeping bag and over to where Amiboshi was sleeping some distance from everyone else.  Using finely ground up bread crust, he made a short trail from the sleeping teenager's bed to the nearest anthill.  While the red ants followed the bait to their newest chew toy, Kenshin snuck back to his bed.  The poor Seiryu seishi was swarmed quickly, all of the ants biting him at the same time when he rolled over.

With a scream that could wake the dead, but surprisingly not Tasuki, Amiboshi leapt to his feet and did a weird little dance through the darkness as he tried to brush the biting ants off of him.  Nuriko, who was by no means a morning person and was apparently very cranky when you woke him up at three in the morning for no good reason, threw him into a nearby stream in an attempt to either help him or shut him up.

Chichiri retaliated the following morning, unwilling to be shown up.  Using his staff and a series of quick spells muttered under his breath, he managed to convince every male rodent within a hundred miles that Amiboshi smelled like a female in heat.  Now, you haven't lived a full life until you've seen a hyped up, horny ass squirrel use someone's head like a racetrack while the owner of said noggin runs around like a maniac until colliding with a tree at roughly mach two.  This, naturally, knocked Amiboshi out yet again.

Tired of carrying him and not willing to be attacked by the small herd of rodents following the downed teen, Tamahome wrapped a rope around Amiboshi's ankles and simply dragged him until he woke up again.  That action resulted in dirt packing in places that most people don't want to know about, which included just about every opening on the human body.  Until then, it was a veritable field day for the swarming rodents.

It took Kenshin a few hours to think of something to top that.  It was difficult to think of anything that could scar the boy as badly as being mugged by a horny bunny.  He finally settled on a plan, keeping his eyes affixed to the ground and surrounding vegetation as he walked.  Passing close to a tree, he swiped something off of the trunk and pocketed it.  Chichiri saw the movement and raised one eyebrow in question.  He learned what the redhead was up to that night when the midget casually slipped something into Amiboshi's food before handing it to him.  The addition turned out to be a stink beetle, which the blond was unfortunate enough to find with his teeth.  The Seiryu spy ran off to retch, quite loudly, in the nearby bushes.

"We'll reach the village tomorrow," Hotohori said to the group, trying to distract himself from the rather disgusting noises coming from the bushes.

"Think he'll last that long?" Tamahome asked, watching in bemusement as Amiboshi ran away from the bush, trying his best to dig an amorous field mouse out of his shirt.  Chichiri's spell was still in full effect.

"Think we'll last that long?" Nuriko paraphrased.  He looked a bit disturbed by the latest events.

"What the hell's goin' on, anyways?" Tasuki asked the group at large.

"I can only wonder," Hotohori said, giving Chichiri and Kenshin a dirty look.  The two bubbleheads grinned, knowing they had been caught.  They didn't look repentant in the slightest.  He opened his mouth to question them, but was cut off by Kenshin.

"One moment, de gozaru," Kenshin said, sticking out his sheathed sword to catch Amiboshi across the ankles, tripping him at a carefully calculated angle that ended with his head impacting into the nearest tree.

"Now that you've succeeded in scrambling his brains, again, would you care to explain?" Hotohori asked.

"You guys are doing this?" Tamahome interrupted, surprised.

"Any reason you're undermining our efforts to summon Suzaku?" Nuriko asked, popping his knuckles.

"Glad I wasn't the target," Tasuki mumbled.

Kenshin waited for them to quiet down before answering, ignoring the impending violence towards his person.

"He's not a Suzaku seishi, de gozaru," Kenshin said.  The response was unanimous.

"WHAT?"

"He's a Seiryu spy, no da," Chichiri answered.

"The way we see it, as long as he thinks he's spying on us, we can keep him away from Kutou and Seiryu can't be summoned, de gozaru."

"And you're torturing him, why exactly?" Hotohori asked.

"Because we can, de gozaru."

"He started it, no da," Chichiri supported.  He and Kenshin exchanged mischievous looks and burst out laughing.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Tasuki demanded.  "We could've helped you."

"You should have informed us that we had an enemy in our midst," Hotohori said.  "We could have been in danger!"

"From that?" Kenshin asked incredulously, prodding the concussed, ant-bitten, skunk-sprayed, squirrel-humped, twitching mass known as Amiboshi.

"Kenshin has a point, no da."

"So if this guy's the enemy, why are we helpin' him?" Tasuki asked.

Kenshin rolled his eyes.  "Because if we don't, he'll know that we've discovered who he is, de gozaru."

"The longer we can keep him occupied, the better, no da," Chichiri added.

"And that involves torturing him, apparently," Tamahome said sarcastically.

"It's only what he deserves, de gozaru," Kenshin interjected.  Hotohori sighed and shook his head in resignation.

"We'll take turns standing guard tonight," the emperor said.  He held up one hand before the two bubbleheads could protest.  "I don't care if you think he's dangerous or not.  We can't take that risk.  We'll split up the duty and start north again at sunrise."

"I'll take first watch, na no da," Chichiri piped up helpfully.

"I'll take second, de gozaru," Kenshin added.

All of the seishi sweat-dropped.  With the two lunatics standing guard, there would be no sleep for anyone involved.  Amiboshi's screaming would see to that.  A quick tally of volunteers had Nuriko taking the third shift, Tamahome the fourth, Hotohori the fifth and Tasuki the final.  Even if they expected Amiboshi to regain consciousness anytime in the near future, they'd not have allowed him to stand guard since he was the one being watched.

Kenshin and Chichiri ended up taking the first two shifts together.  With the amount of noise they made between them, a combination of giggling and cries of pain from their victim, the other seishi were forced to stuff moss in their ears to get some sleep.

*     *     *

It had taken a lot of arm wrenching on Saito's part, but he had eventually learned that the twins Amiboshi and Suboshi shared a strange bond that allowed them to communicate with each other over long distances.  When one was hurt, the other seemed to mirror the wound, even if in sensation only.  At first, Saito had been horrendously amused when Suboshi's eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed.  After a few hours, it grew old when the teenager would leap around and squall for absolutely no reason, flapping various limbs as though in horrible pain.

Never one to be dense, it didn't take Saito more than a few seconds after the first faint to know that Amiboshi had been discovered.  The constant torture inflicted on the distant youth was more than enough evidence to tell him that not only did Kenshin know who he was, but the little redhead was having fun with the information.  He was waiting to see how long it would take the Seiryu seishi to figure it out as well, too evil to tell them himself.

He grudgingly gave Nakago some credit for brains.  The blond seemed to understand that the boy was in enemy hands as well.  But, being just as sick of a bastard as Saito himself, he didn't bother to tell Suboshi either.  Nakago did look a bit concerned when Suboshi curled up into a little ball and rocked back and forth, repeating to himself over and over, "The bunnies are coming to get me."

"What could possibly be scary about a bunny?" Nakago muttered to himself.  Nearby, Saito heard the rhetorical question and answered it anyways.

"I don't know, but I'm sure that Himura is behind it," Saito answered casually.

"What's wrong with bunnies?" a new voice asked.  Suboshi looked at the new person, shrieked at the top of his lungs and ran for his life.

As one, Saito and Nakago turned to look at whatever had frightened the teenager.  Eyes bugging out, they both followed Suboshi's example and ran.  Left in their wake was Tomo, wearing bunny ears, a strap on bunny tail and absolutely nothing else.  The crossdresser smirked at their retreating forms.

"This is almost too easy."

To Be Continued…

Sorry about the delay.  I was occupied and completely forgot that I hadn't been posting on anything.  A couple of people reviewed and someone even emailed me before my dead brain was jogged.  R&R!


	14. Chapter 14

At length, Saito took pity on the horrific fate of the so-called spy traveling with Kenshin, taking a nail to Suboshi's arm and scratching out a quick message that simply read 'You've been found out; abandon the mission.'

By the time the message appeared on Amiboshi's corresponding limb, it was too late.  There was no inch of skin on his form that had not been scraped, torn, bruised, or mouse-humped.  He noted the presence of the message but couldn't make it out.

Amiboshi grumbled dejectedly, wishing he could just lie back and collapse for a bit, but the last effort at doing that had nearly resulting in a gerbil disappearing for life, boldly trying to go where no man had gone before.  If nothing else, he tried to focus on the thought that they were close to reaching a small village where he would finally receive medical attention that he so badly needed.  The respite meant much to him as his nerves were frazzled to the point of driving him literally insane.  He swore he'd snap if he had even one more nocturnal squirrel seeking a home where the sun never shone.

Dark side of the moon firmly covered in defense of the attacks, Amiboshi limped after the group he followed, wondering if he would survive the ordeal.  Or if anyone would, for that matter.  Kenshin and Chichiri had returned the their patterns of bubblehead speech and the remainder of the party was getting fed up with them quickly.

"Oro?"  (Are we there yet?)

"Da."  (No.)

"Oro?"  (Are we there yet?)

"Da."  (No.)

"Oro?"  (Are we there yet?)

"Da, no da!"  (No, and asking won't make this go any faster!)

"De gozaru, oro?"  (When are we going to get there?)

"Na no da, DA!"  (I don't know, now SHUT UP!)

There was a silent pause from the entire group, everyone eyeing the two harebrained warriors with no small sense of unease.  They looked to be coming close to blows.  With a snort, Kenshin spoke up first.

"Oro?"  (Are we there yet?)

To Be Continued…

Sorry for the uber short post.  This came to me in a random moment of insanity.  Writer's block is still haunting me with almost all of my fics and I'm not sure what to do, really.  For the love of all things good, please R&R and add suggestions to it.


	15. Chapter 15

Mysterious Rurouni

Part 15

By Mieren

It was nothing short of a miracle that Amiboshi was alive, and surprisingly still sane, when they finally reached the small village where the healer resided. Following several days of bubblehead speaking, there was clearly divine intervention since both of said dingbats were still alive. After questioning a few locals, they determined that the healer was something of a loner and locked himself away in a small house on the outskirts of the village with a cat named Tama as his only companion.

The party approached the small cottage, winding up a stone and dirt path to reach a wooden door that looked as though it had seen better days. The paint was peeling, the wood was splintering and for some ungodly reason, there was a butt-print on one of the windows. Since it was on the inside, they assumed that he had bid an unwelcome guest a rather unconventional goodbye.

After viewing the disheveled house and high-placed butt mark on the windowpane, they concluded that the healer was a very big man with a very small tolerance for visitors. The war between the seishi began again as to who would have to try to get the man to answer the door. Hotohori pulled rank again, leaving him out of the running. Nuriko threatened to beat the snot out of every last one of them, so he was out. Kenshin had only to finger the hilt of his sword and no one dared ask him. Tasuki was idly playing with his metal fan, flipping it to create tiny flames to deter anyone asking him. Chichiri just fingered his staff and mentioned something about newts. After hearing that, everyone moved away from the masked monk. This naturally left the battle down to Tamahome and Amiboshi. One fist and one flute were raised. The blue-haired warrior stole the flute and threatened to stuff it into unimaginable places if Amiboshi didn't submit. He gave in. Unfortunately, as he tried to move forward, Kenshin's sword somehow or another became tangled in Amiboshi's legs, tripping the teenager and introducing him to yet another concussion when his head smacked into the ground. Tamahome sighed dejectedly.

Edging towards the door, the blue-haired seishi rapped tentatively. There was no immediate response. He knocked louder.

"Hello?" Tamahome called in a falsely confident voice.

A huge mountain of a man answered the door, easily clearing six and a half feet. He was scruffy looking and rather dangerous in general, though the only one who seemed not to notice (or at least not to care) was the tiniest of the group. Kenshin, not far above five feet himself, was the first to approach and speak out since his companions were in a state of shock, smiling genially as he introduced himself.

"Hello, my name is Kenshin. I'd heard you were the healer of this area and I was wondering if you could help my… companion." He couldn't quite bring himself to say 'friend' under any circumstances. He gestured towards the boy he had just knocked out.

The giant man played along for now, not really relishing company but unwilling to turn away a plainly injured soul. "What happened?"

"He was cursed," Chichiri supplied, leaving out the fact that he had been responsible for the curse. Aided, of course, by Kenshin's evil tinkering of events.

"His name?" the huge man prompted. "I'm Mitsukake, by the way."

Tasuki was more than pleased to enter the conversation. "We call him Pididiot," he said solemnly. "But after passing out, he doesn't respond to his last name very well."

"Then what's his first name?" Mitsukake asked, going for the bait.

"Stu," Tasuki answered in a serious voice. The massive healer actually leaned over his charge and called out 'Stu' a grand total of once before his brain activated.

"What was his name again?" Mitsukake asked slowly. "What I picked up was Stu Pididiot. Tell me that isn't right." He received a number of grins over that and he sighed dejectedly.

"Trust me, it's close enough," Hotohori muttered.

"Name," he demanded.

"Ben Dover?" Chichiri suggested.

"I. P. Freely," Kenshin gleefully offered.

"Mike Hunt," Tasuki tried.

"Mike Rotch," Kenshin altered.

"Jack Cough," Tasuki returned instantly.

"Drew Peacock," the monk added gleefully. The three began snickering wildly.

Mitsukake sighed. Idiots. He was dealing with idiots. "Fine, I'll treat him. Just stop with the fake names. And tell me what he did that was so bad for the lot of you to have teamed up on him." The big man had figured out from the unanimous teasing that the unconscious teen wasn't their friend.

"His name is Amiboshi," Tamahome said before the Three Stooges could start up again. "And he thinks he's spying on us." He put emphasis on the word 'thinks.'

"Then why on Earth are you trying to help him?" Mitsukake asked, baffled.

"Because this way, we know where he is and what he's telling his little friends," Tasuki was kind enough to supply, in lieu of helping Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum make more stupid comments. Unfortunately, that did not prevent a recurrence of Bubblehead speech.

"Oro?" ('Think he has a mark too?')

"Da… no da." ('That would be too easy… so probably.')

Mitsukake looked up from his preliminary examination at the words exchanged between the two psychos. "What was that?"

"What we've been listening to for days now," Hotohori groaned.

"De gozaru ka?" ('Should we ask him?')

"Da." ('You do it.')

"Oro?" ('Why me?')

"Da!" ('Because I possess the staff of doom, idiot!') And how he managed to get off that much information in a single syllable is beyond even Bubblehead rationality.

"And they're saying what, exactly?" the healer inquired.

"Your guess is as good as ours," Nuriko griped.

"Oro… de gozaru?" ('But… what if he is one of us?')

"Da?" ('Huh?')

"Baka, de gozaru ka?" ('How do we explain to the idiot spy why we can't do the ceremony?')

"Da, da… no da." ('Right, seven… No clue.')

"Have they by any chance have found those nice colorful mushrooms on the hillside?" Mitsukake asked, entirely serious. Heads were shaken in the negative. Sighing, the beleaguered healer held his hand out over the concussed teenager and used his power to heal him, his palm flaring up with a bright red kanji, earning an automatic response from the observing seishi.

"De gozaru!" ('Lookit! Lookit!')

"Da… da…" ('So he has a kanji… don't rub it in…')

"What?" Mitsukake asked warily when he saw the unanimous speculation over his person suddenly.

"I guess you're coming with us," Hotohori said, preparing to launch into his grand 'seishi' speech.

"Like hell I am," the healer snapped. "With those two?"

"By all means, sedate them," Tamahome all but pleaded. "We just need you and one more person and then we can summon Suzaku and this whole thing can be over!"

"And if I refuse?" Mitsukake asked. He was greeted by a vision he had never expected. Kenshin was staring at him with gold-flecked eyes, his expression deathly serious for the first time since they'd met.

"Then my rival, a man much more dangerous than you could imagine, will have access to Seiryu. Either way, one of us gets access to a god," Kenshin said. He brightened up just as quickly, almost as though his scary spell had never taken place. "So, what's it going to be? Me, or someone that even *I* find scary?"

"We're all doomed, aren't we?" Mitsukake asked Hotohori.

"Yup."


	16. Chapter 16

Mysterious Rurouni

Part 16

By Mieren

"I'm not wearing that either, de gozaru," Kenshin said dejectedly, glaring death at the book in Chichiri's hands. "And where did you even get that?"

"Monk space," he offered innocently.

"Monk what?"

"Not this one either? It shows a lot of cleavage between the pink ribbons," the monk offered helpfully, deliberately changing topics as he shoved his mystery book under the redhead's nose again. "Then again, I guess you're not entirely built for that, no da."

"Quit bugging her," Tasuki interrupted. "If she doesn't want to wear a dress, the least we can do is not shove that stupid book… Holy shit. Kenshin, you have to wear that one."

"That doesn't even qualify as underwear, de gozaru!" he exploded, turning as pink as his clothes.

"No, no da," Chichiri said cheerfully, flipping a few pages forward. "THIS doesn't even qualify as underwear." He held open the pages of his book for Kenshin and everyone else brave enough to look. The article of 'clothing' consisted of one wide band of ribbon twirled around a buxom model like a fine Celtic knot. Kenshin frowned.

"It would never work, de gozaru!" he protested. "That ribbon is _blue_. Saito would have to wear that one."

At that, Amiboshi made a strangled noise as his eyes rolled back and he fainted, nearly landing in the fire. Far, far away, Suboshi could be heard screaming in horror, his voice three octaves too high. The traumatized squeal was covered effectively as the Bubbleheads burst into hysterical laughter. Mitsukake was preparing sedatives with a serious tick in one eye.

"What?" Tasuki asked confusedly. "She'd look hot in that one." They laughed harder.

"Don't forget that we need matching outfits," Kenshin wheezed, watering eyes landing on Mitsukake. "He's going to look like something that won first place at a county fair."

"You die now," Mitsukake said in perfect seriousness, herb-soaked cloth in hand.

Kenshin ran like hell, still laughing as Tasuki heroically tried to save him by getting in the massive healer's way, fan leading. Not perturbed in the slightest, the big man changed targets and went after Chichiri. The masked monk made a dash towards his belongings on the other side of camp, diving at some of his discarded clothes. Everyone was expecting him to brain himself when he launched himself face first at the ground. Startled looks popped into everyone's expressions when the man simply vanished into his oversized hat.

"Monk space, no da!" echoed from the depths of the strange refuge, followed by more laughter.

"Monk space my ass," Mitsukake muttered, glaring death. A wicked look passed through his eyes and he advanced on the hat menacingly. He started yanking at his belt, a maniacal look covering his face. "Monk space my ass, indeed." Dropping his drawers a bit, he sat down on the hat.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! OH GOD, IT'S EVERYWHERE!" Chichiri's voice rang out in panic.

"Just hold on a minute," Tasuki called, swinging his fan around. Normally, he wouldn't bother to save the twit, but the monk was his crush's friend and he would do just about anything to impress the 'woman' of his dreams. The healer caught his gaze and offered him a look so sinister that the fanged redhead faltered and slowly backed off, not even hearing the blue-haired man's response.

"I'M NOT HOLDING ON FOR A SECOND TO THAT THING!" Chichiri squealed. "AND IT'S CALLED WAX!"

"Complain again and I'm going to ask for bran muffins," Mitsukake called back.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Then are you going to behave?"

"YES! ANYTHING! JUST GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!"

Mitsukake smirked. "I think I'll just take a nap first."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"


End file.
